Awk..awk...whohoo baby...

Day 5,855, 12:06 • Published in USA USA • by Franklin Stone


Clowns to the right of me, jokers to the left...here we are stuck in the middle of all this shit. Sadly we are not the only ones with clowns in power, although I think we should get the Oscar for best portrayal of Clownism.



I was born in 1951 and grew up in Oklahoma in a city much like the one above. I lived forty-five minutes or maybe an hour away from a military air base that was in the Top 10 on the list for the first nuclear strikes. Which meant that the tenth nuclear missile fired from the USSR would strike there. Ever wonder what happened to all the missiles once aimed at us?



Back then we were led by men who had fought the most brutal war in history to keep the world free. The next total world war will be our last as a species. Some day soon someone will lob a tactical nuke at someone else and the race toward destruction will begin.



In that moment let us all remember our Elementary School training to crawl beneath a pile of wooden tender and kiss your ass goodbye, I remember laughing at little Billy when he said that. Now at the tender ages between 5 and eleven or twelve, until Middle School we had weekly drills under the guise of Tornado Drills, after all, we did live in Tornado Alley. I think even then, because my father was connected to the Air Force, I knew how stupid those drills were.



So when you see the pretty mushroom cloud on the horizon, just remember you are no longer playing Call of Duty, be sure to tell the guy pointing the weapon at your face your preferred pronouns. Remember if you survive that initial blast of fire and heat it will be everyone for themselves and good luck to you.



Day two of the Great Gummie experiment is, so far, a complete success. This a not a double-blind test of two styles of Gummies, the Champion Old No. 10 and the hot new contender Viscous. So far the flight given by both has been satisfactory and led straight to the Rift of Rabbit Holes just trailing edgewise of our Matrix.



This morning my first wife sent me a photo of us in grade school just as I was dropping 50 mg of Viscous, a photo I dare not share here, which sent me to the Memoreies Rabbit Hole. Viscous is a bit smaller and much more sticky than Old No. 10, which I do not like. I therefore had to cut the bag in half to get one out. Not at all my style because now there is an ugly little chip clip holding it closed and it is very irritating.



Although the lift-off of both brands is the same, Viccous loses points for being too sticky and hard to get out of the bag. Again irritating to no end. So concludes the ongoing journal of Franklin Stoned and his InterStaller Journey into the Rabbit Hole Quadrant.



I want to leave you you one last image...



...this is our fearless leader.