A new religion and his prophet

Day 2,613, 05:53 • Published in Romania Romania • by deus otiosus

Yo!

I was reading the loads of bullsh**t on how we should nicely treat certain religions and religious people (the later quick to shatter themselves into lots of pieces) an decided that it's time to act.
Therefore, with immediate effect, I declare eRepublik my personal religion and Pluto its prophet. The battle page is the prophet's material image in this world, and in order for me not to blow, shoot or otherwise put an and to your miserable lives, thou shall treat the prophet with much care and devoted love. The dreams I had lately unambiguously showed that the most sacred parts of the prophet are his balls, mirrored by a red light-lit button on the battle page that must under no circumstance hit with ferocious power, but smoothly touched and gently rubbed with emotion-watered eyes and pious devotion!! The top damage list is henceforward renamed "prayer list" - the higher the points you have, the more zealously you have prayed (rubbed the above mentioned balls).

May you encounter smooth praying surfaces!