The weed is mightier than the sword.
I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.
If only there was an Olympic sport for being a lazy bastard...
That bronze medal would be mine.
"AVALANCHE!" screamed my wife.
Which, if anything, made the situation worse.
I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me.
"Dad, can I have a Coke with my name on it?"
"Why don't you have a Pepsi, Max?"
I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around.
I felt like I was on The Voice!
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