Subversive Infiltrator Shot

Day 1,626, 14:28 • Published in USA Canada • by Thedillpickl

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This Just In

dateline - May 3, 2012, Portsmouth, Va.
Today the Republican contender for the United States Presidency, Mitt Romney, and friend Michele Bachmann, were greeting supporters during an appearance at the Portsmouth, Va. headquarters of Crofton Industries. Crofton is a construction/engineering firm with experience in pipeline technology.


Michele Bachmann throws herself in front of Mitt.

Suddenly there was a disturbance from the audience. A young man rushed toward the candidate screaming, "I love you Mitt! Pick me for Vice President!". The man was knocked to the ground by secret service agents, but in the ensuing struggle, he wrestled away an agents service revolver. The man jumped to his feet, screaming "AAAHHIIEEEEEEEE!" and was shot several times by the agents until he was dead.


Pictured right, accused assailant Ajay Bruno, while stalking Mitt Romney.

This man has been identified as Ajay Bruno, AKA Pizza the Hut, AKA General Cartman Lee. Bruno became #1 on the Dept. of Homeland Security list of domestic terrorists after releasing this subversive video on YouTube. Bruno makes claim to being supreme military commander of a domestic hate group called Eden/Terra Unified Command. The DHS would not discuss Mr. Bruno with us, but it was mentioned that he has been under surveillance for some time.




In A Related Story

It now appears that the alleged assassination attempt by Mr. Bruno was a coordinated effort of a foreign terrorist group called Free America. This group is reportedly based in the country of Serbia. Serb operatives have been under surveillance for months as they have been secreted into the US by Mr. Bruno.


Ajay Bruno's game avatar.

The Dept. of Homeland Security and the CIA have been monitoring the covert communications of Free America in a browser game called eRepublik. This game appears to be a simulation, possibly to practice strategies by the Serbs. There is some concern that an attempted political coup in the US may be planned. Officials also report a strong Romanian influence in the suspect software, leading one to surmise that this is a multi-national plot.