Philosophy with Rob #5: UKRP controls everything, Dapper was Right

Day 2,931, 05:49 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Rob the Bruce

Aight aight how bout dis then

When she picks a terrible movie for Netflix and Chill...

For this article, keep in mind that UKRP are God and I am UKRP, ye? We'll come back to this concept in a bit.

First tho, John Locke. With indirect realism, the belief that everything you see is perceptually variable and you don't see the true nature of things, you can then be sceptical and say "u kno wot m8 how do we know the world exists?". If what I've just said makes no sense to you whatsoever go here where I explain it in more detail.

Well, Locke decided "well that's pretty easy to prove the world existsm8, primary and secondary qualities innit?". He decided that certain properties were created by the mind, stuff like colour and smell, perceptually variable stuff. Those are secondary qualities. But then there are some properties that are intrinsic to the object itself, stuff like motion, size, number and such. From that we can say that some things aren't variable so objects exist. Or some such like...

Berkeley (pronounced "bark-lee") decided "nah fam don't be such an... atheist."

20 minutes into Idealism and chill and he gives you this look...
Tite. This dude thought that primary qualities like size and motion were perceptually variable. Leaves look bloody massive to an ant, and things move different if you look at em under microscope. So Locke's distinction was a bit pants, everything is perceptually variable so everything is made up, Berekeley thought.

He decided that all we know of objects are properties, and our perectpions. So basically, objects are just a collection of ideas. So Berkeley decided that all objects were just collections of ideas, and all that existed were minds and ideas. In essence, objects don't exist unless there's somebody available. So for that really old question "if a tree falls in the forest when nobody's there to hear it, does it make a sound?" Berekeley would go "Nah fam". You following so far? I sure as hell hope so cause even I'm lost atm and I've gotta link this to something eventually...

You might've noticed a small issue with this idea. Or several. Why can I get stuck by lighting in an empty field when I don't see it and nobody else does either?
If I leave an apple in a drawer where I can't perceive it, if I then go and look at it again, why does it still need to be an apple? If it's not existing while I'm not looking at it then logically it doesn't even need to still be there. Technically speaking, there's no reason why it can't be wook's hairy bumhole there when I open the drawer again instead of an apple.
In a similar vein, why does it go brown and rot if I'm not looking at it? If it's not existing when nobody's perceiving it, then how's it rotting? What is this nonsense???

Berkeley obviously had been preparing for this moment for his whole life, and came up with the most eloquent response possible:

"Cuz God innit, m8?"

Berkeley decides that it's a given that God exists (which in his day was pretty legit) and from there explains that this solves everything. God perceives everything, and controls everything. He keeps everybody's perceptions consistent and controlling what everybody sees and feels so it all makes sense. In essence, God's controlling everything so people don't lose their sh*t and is making sure that everything's smooth. Basically God's the Illuminati or summin, right? Cool.

Do you see where I'm going with this yet? Well prepare yerself...


Aight back at the start I mentioned that UKRP are God, ye? Aight aight... and God's the dude that keeps everything smooth? Controls everything and makes sure it's all the way it should be?... ye well that's what Dapper's been saying for months, clearly he's right. We are in control. Everything is UKRP.

But following on, I proved in one article that I literally am UKRP, ye? So...

I am in control of everything, what I say goes.
So AMD4CP. It's going to happen now. Screw you. My word is law.
-Rob the Bruce

Astrid I did it \o/