My Presence in Canada
Day 1,157, 07:55
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Published in Canada 
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by
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by Penguin4512
Note: The events in the following story are entirely fictional. Dio Brando is in the intellectual property of the Empire of Pakistan and is in no way owned, possessed, or affected by the characters in this passage. Thank you.
Greetings, people of the far north, who are players of ice hockey and bringers of maple syrup in times when condiments for waffles are desperately needed. I come in peace.
By which I mean I'm not here to steal your Canadian gold or anything. In fact, I'm here on a very important quest. A quest for a great treasure, perhaps the greatest treasure ever to exist in all of eRepublik. This treasure, as you must certainly have guessed by now, is none other than DIO BRANDO™'s LEFT EYEBROW.
What!? you don't know about Dio Brando™'s left eyebrow? Let me bring you up to speed...
It all began with the infamous Dioist exodus to Switzerland. Years ago, Dio Brando™, God Emperor of the sun-scorched sands journeyed to the land of snow and big cheese on a secret mission, the purpose of which to this day remains unknown. As a matter of fact, all that is known about his stay in Switzerland, is that on the return trip, his left eyebrow was no longer attached to his body. The entire event was hushed up, and forgotten.
Around this time, three Swiss revolutionaries, Clifford Burns, Eleriel and nicktheh drafted the Declaration of Independence. This document stated that Switzerland would never live under Dioist influence. It is hailed as Switzerland's greatest artifact, and was sealed in the mausoleum of Antonio Fonti, to rest for eternity. Until now.
When they signed the Declaration of Independence, the three founders had something quite different in mind. The Declaration's front is a slap to the face of Dioist imperialism. But I have reason to believe that the back is of far more important. Yes, dear readers. On the back of the Declaration of Independence, our country's founding document, is a treasure map to the greatest piece of facial hair ever to have grown above somebody's left eye. THE LOST AND FORGOTTEN LEFT EYEBROW OF DIO BRANDO™.
Sadly, the Swiss government attempted to have me locked up in one of their "first-class hospitals" when I approached them with the theory. So, I had to resort to means which were a mite illegal. By which I mean I stole the Declaration of Independence (oh, and committed a triple homicide in the process).
Or rather... I didn't steal it myself. While I sat in my apartment eating ice cream and playing Starcraft, my faithful sidekick Rican snuck out, disabled the guards, hacked the security network, stole the Declaration, skiied down Mont Blanc shooting at his puirsuers pursuers who were trying to gun him down from snowmobiles, escaped through the narrow alleyways of Zurich, and returned to me. As a reward I offered him a pay raise and extended his coffee break.
Sheesh
But to my surprise, the back of the Declaration was blank. Completely blank. But not to fear, my superior intellect and ability to reason quickly found the cause... the treasure map was obviously written in some sort of invisible ink! But how to reveal it?
Luckily, I had conducted a large amount of research before borrowing the Declaration. You may recall that it was originally signed by Eleriel, Clifford Burns, and nicktheh. I had made sure to gather as much information about them as possible before performing the operation.
Eleriel, the first signer, was dead. Shortly after signing the Declaration, he had been killed fighting in the liberation war. The many biographies of him, though full of praise, were devoid of solid information.
Clifford Burns was still alive, however, and rich as well. He owned a mansion up in the mountains, and I had made a journey up to his abode, thirsty for knowledge.
Clifford Burns, as seen on the cover of eRep finance magazine
All to no avail. When I had mentioned the secret treasure map, Clifford's eyes had turned a fiery red and he had ordered his servants to "release the hounds." If not for Rican throwing cans of Chef Boyarde to distract the mastiffs chasing us, I never would have escaped alive.
So that left nicktheh, who was chilling in Federal Prison. (He got busted for stalking several women and secretly taking pictures of them, see his articles). He was in solitary confinement, and there was no way to contact him. Thankfully, I didn't need to.
While looking through some old sources, I hit the jackpot. For several months during Switzerland's war for liberation, a Russian group known as the Shaolin Monastery had occupied the capital. Nicktheh, fearing the Shaolins would destroy the Declaration, had taken the document and fled to Canada. Only after the Shaolins had left had he returned.
Canada. The Declaration of Independence. Dio Brando™'s left eyebrow. Somehow they are all connected.
The back of the Declaration is blank, but I know the map is there somewhere. I just need to reveal it.
And once I reveal it, the treasure will BE MINE!
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TL😉R: I am looking for treasure. :>
It seems there's a new Penguin in town.
you're not gonna get far in eCan with the Dio junk
The most peculiar penguin I know (;
v&s
you still owe me several cans of Chef Boyarde
two spirits visited me in a dream, Penguin4512. they were great medicine men of the Chippewa and Odawa Tribes, from my past and they have sent me to deliver this message to your future.. the future you hold in your own hands.
that Declaration was written by the Most Evil One, Clifford Burns.. the "treasure" is in CHFs, which as you know are all owned by Clifford Burns and are therefore worthless except to give him greater power by their use.
use Dio Brando's left eyebrow to set the devil's document afire. Dio is good for a spark, a flash in the pan, and an eyebrow may light a piece of paper or a cheap cigar but has no lasting power. to cling to it is to become a slave to a cartoon god and lose all self.
hold the burning paper as high above your head as you can, it will serve as a torch.. as long as you have faith in yourself and your new life the flame will burn strong and will never go out.
move on, press on to Ottawa where you might find the real treasure, the light and the life of Oh Canada. there you will find your destiny.
these medicine men, these Chippewa and Odawa, came to me in a dream, where all men are free of the bonds of earth and internet. trust their words, my friend, as they instruct you to trust yourself. find strength in their words, little Penguin, as they guide you to build your own strength through faith and perseverance. they come from the ancient past, long before the false messiahs Burns or Dio, to turn our heads to the future.. to learn from the paths we and our people have walked but to move forward.
go to Ottawa, my friend, your future is there.
What about me oh venerable one ?
once you told me where to go, but i cannot repeat that here.
Brando is a false god
http://img837.imageshack.us/img837/5756/screenshot20101007at132.png
Custer's dream methinks may have great implications on our quest.
We must find the eyebrow, and then! well... I do feel bad about setting one of Switzerland's greatest artifacts aflame... but what it must be done!
Hmp I want Maple syrup !!.,
Down with the false god!
from your story, Penguin:
"On the back of the Declaration of Independence, our country's founding document, is a treasure map to the greatest piece of facial hair ever to have grown above somebody's left eye. THE LOST AND FORGOTTEN LEFT EYEBROW OF DIO BRANDO™."
how soon you have forgotten the methods and manner of The Evil One. this is a lie, a ruse, a pickled red herring to trick the young and impressionable to do the bidding of Clifford Burns. the promise of a relic which promises the power of a false god whose only power is the hypnotic spell it casts on the mindless is a trick, to lead you in a circle back to The Evil One and the black hole where he holds your homeland... your past. you are a Penguin, not a lemming. you are a leader, but first you must lead yourself out of darkness.
this "left eyebrow" relic only exists if you believe it does. pull a waterproof kitchen match from your Swiss Army mess kit, and you will find all the power of Dio Brando in the little white sulphuric tip. it will burn bright for less than a second but the smell will linger long. burn the false god, use it to burn Clifford's false promise, and move forward.
Rican, my brother..
you are the brother Aaron to the Penguin.
he may have the inspiration but you have the power of strong speech. in this text-based world that is everything.
because he is but a Penguin and not a prophet, he is also prone to follow a path of shiny things and listen to the loud voices, which does not lead to greater life but to doom, and you are smarter than that.
go with our tuxedo'ed little brother, stand beside him and hold him up.. keep his pointy little beak held high and toward the treasure of Oh Canada in the ancient city of Ottawa.
he has probably gambled away his Swiss Army matches, give him one of yours. light it for him... light it before his eyes so he may see.. light his tail on fire so he may wake up and move forward.
"light his tail on fire so he may wake up and move forward."
AAGH RICAN! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
Custer, Rican knows that Penguin is but my pawn and that I am the puppet master, ask him yourself, then again I don't have strange missions, and weird storys about peoples eye brows
eCan doesn't believe in Roleplay
it's silly!
I only read the bold parts (Jk)
"light his tail on fire so he may wake up and move forward."
But the question is: do penguins have tails ? 😁
Anyway, I now waiting for the end of this story.
Lincoln 6 Echo: "eCan doesn't believe in Roleplay. it's silly!"
do you have any idea how silly that statement is? "eCan" itself IS a role play, so are the other 50+ eCountries in the game, and all 220999 people playing it. people who bring RL to eRepublik are silly.
James has competition