Mr. Corwin Goes to Ottawa

Day 2,740, 17:41 • Published in Canada Canada • by Marcus Corwin

Hello, loyal subscribers (all 6 of you)!

It has been 1,249 days since my last article. I know, the suspense has been killing you. When will he post a new article? What will it be about? Will there be pictures of scantily clad women (spoiler alert: no)? The possibilities are endless.

Canada, today I have come seeking employment. I require a job that allows me to make my own hours. A job with no responsibility, but at least a tiny shred of prestige. A job that will look good on my resume when I apply for other jobs later. In short, ladies, gentleman, and pickles, Congress is the perfect place for me.

But Marcus, you say, what are your qualifications? Excellent question, hypothetical reader! I happen to have been elected to congress three times previously. Not in Canada of course, and not recently, but I don’t believe that my complete lack of experience with Canadian politics could possibly adversely impact my job performance. More importantly, I have basically no social life to get in the way of the performance of my duties. Just, you know, a job. And all the other games I play. And sleep.

In conclusion, voting for the Beaver Action League will allow me the great honor to misrepresent all of you in congress next month.

Vote early, vote often,

Marcus