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Monsieur Guillontine for Congress! (September 2012)

Day 1,767, 15:34 • Published in Switzerland

• by Monsieur Guillontine

Salut madams and monsieurs,

That's right! I am running for Congress this month, and yes, I am ready to give it my all.

Why you should vote for me:

1. I speak French better than French people
2. I give people free baguettes
3. I have character: my name is misspelled

What I will do as an elected Congressman:

1. Legalize marijuana
2. Use federal funds to build French bakeries
3. Make French the official language of Switzerland

On a serious note though, I do strongly feel that I have all the qualities and talents needed to be an excellent Congressman.

I have served as:

- Country President for 3 terms
- Vice President for 4 terms
- Minsiter of Foreign Affairs for 4 terms
- Chairman of Congress for 4 terms
- Congressman for 11 terms
- Party President for 13 terms

I really don't see what more there is to prove about my capabilities. I know that some of you don't care about experience though, so to appeal to you other folks, here's an added bonus. If I receive the most votes out of all the other Congress candidates, I promise all of you that I will do jumping jacks at the top of the Eiffel Tower. So remember my fellow druggy buddies, make the right choice, and VOTE for Monsieur Guillontine!