Join the new world

A guy wakes up with a horrible hangover after a bender. Can barely open his eyes. Head pounding. Stomach churning.

He looks around, and with some relief realizes that he’s at home, in his bed. There’s a glass of water and two aspirins on his night stand, along with a note from his wife: “Darling, breakfast is on the table, I ran out to the store. Eternally yours, your loving wife”.

The guy is more confused than ever. He takes the aspirin and walks out to the living room. The house is spotless. There's fresh flowers in the vase, and his son is quietly watching morning cartoons.

-Son, what happened last night?

-Well dad, you came home drunk, puked in the hallway, peed in the kitchen sink, started singing, and broke a few dishes.

-What happened with mommy?

-Oh, that’s what you’re asking about? When she tried to get you to bed and started pulling off your pants, you yelled
“fuck off bitch, I’m MARRIED!”