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EXCLUSIVE: BIGANT ACTUALLY ALIEN INSECT INTENT ON DESTROYING WORLD!

Dan 1,873, 04:44 Objavljeno u United Kingdom Ujedinjeno Kraljevstvo od Prof. J Moriarty
ATTACK OF THE 7 FEET BIGANTS!

Remember Men in Black II? The horror at that giant cockroach as it tried to destroy the world, and thus us? Well, that wasn't real. But this attack certainly is!

For CP candidate and former President BigAnt has been lying to us about his origins all along! He isn't actually the Keith Lemon or even a Keith Lemon lookalike, he is actually a humongous, grotesque, other-world inhabitant of the star-system Betelgeuse, here to devour our planet's rare rain-forests and wildlife, such as the Jaguar or Deal or No Deal presenter Noel Edmonds.


Talon Karrde is bitten by the beast. Whereabouts: unknown.

The first part of his plan was to win our trust. He did this by becoming President twice, but then made a complete and utter hash of it by falling out with half of the country. That is why a third term is required, and this time he wants to lead us on a conquest to the Central Americas, where he will be able to contact his home world of giant ants and organise an invasion using those big satellite things in Mexico.


Not ant-proof

Early evidence of the invasion plan is sketchy, but it is rumoured to feature millions of these ants that will eat all, including your much prized lawnmower/dishwasher/child. He must be stopped to end this madness before we all die!


Iain Keers and Mittekemius, both believed dead, attempt to stop BigAnt.

But hold your horses. There is salvation. Other runner, Mr. B Foxtrot, has a plan of action. He hopes to create a 60-foot tall ant-eater, with the help of the Real Spamicans, which will be able to combat these invading ant colonies.


Salvation

Vote Betafoxtrot! Protect yourself from the BigAnts. Or vote some of the other people, like Joe Blogg's brother Bob.

Have you seen the ant-form of BigAnt, behind the mask?
Have you ever been bitten by him?
Do you know where Talon Karrde is?
Can I get a refund if I've opened the packaging?
If you have an answer to any of the above questions, answer in the comments below.
 

Komentari

Alfagrem
Alfagrem Dan 1,873, 05:09

Invade S.America..............Rubber and Saltpeter...........voted BigAnt

myheadstone
myheadstone Dan 1,873, 05:09

I tip my hat for the comedy value.

Bigheaded
Bigheaded Dan 1,873, 05:10

This is hilarious.

Well played

Invalidation
Invalidation Dan 1,873, 05:10

Scary

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Dan 1,873, 05:14

Next week: THE BLOBLO!

Prince Andrei
Prince Andrei Dan 1,873, 07:23

Well played sir

Sir Humphrey Appleby
Sir Humphrey Appleby Dan 1,873, 09:18

boated

Bohemond4
Bohemond4 Dan 1,873, 13:04

This made my day, I take my hat of to your sir, nicely done!

 
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