ATTICUSQUATRECP: THE DEFENSE OF THE REALM [CPBID]
Day 2,203, 06:50
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Citizen 4945322
Hello once more. It is I, Atticus, your presidential hopeful. And I am here to talk to you about my defense plans. In my defense, I have no experience of the MoD, however, I think my plans should no doubt set some hearts pounding in anticipation.
So what exactly is it that I want to do? Well, read on!
WHAT WE WILL DO TO THEM!
1. LETS KILL SOME AUSSIES! For months we have had British people living, working and generally enjoying life there. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! We must rescue them, back to their shit lives in the eUK. I will personally lead our army from the front as it rampages across Europe, Asia and then Oceania as we march on Sydney, where we will slaughter thousands of innocent civilians in the hope of saving our ex-taxpayers.
2. The Foundation of THREE. First there was ONE. Then there was TWO. Now Prepare for THREE. The alliance which will contain the eUK and Sealand alongwith Rockall, will be feared globally, especially after the massacre in Sydney. Boots will quake at the sound of the name. And then, from those ashes, will come FOUR!
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
3. To protect ourselves against the surrounding enemies, we will be building a massive wall around our entire country made out of the strongest substance known to man. That's right. Potato. The bricks will be of the roast variety, and they will be cemented together with mash potato. Not only will this protect us against the enemy, but it will provide jobs to over 326.4 people from around the country, who will earn themselves a cool 4 GBP for every day they work. To protect ourselves on the Irish side from the hungry Irish who will obviously want to eat our wall we will place cyanide pills in every roast potato on the western side of Wales, Scotland and South West England. Behind the wall will be the finalists of eUK's strongest man competition, who will throw boiled potatoes over the wall in the hope that they hit the French, Canadians and Irish. Belgian casualty's are unfortunate, and for every Belgian we kill we will let another one in our stronghold.
4. The Ministry will also be in charge of my brand new "Britain's Strongest Man" Competition, which will find out who to join "Operation Potato". The finalists will be who throw the potato's. We will find the Strongest Man through numerous different tests, which will pit the contestants against hyenas, rhino's and Diakun. They will also have to interview Jeremy Paxman, who will ask them numerous questions regarding their party affiliation and sex life.
5. Next, the Minister of Defense is in charge of washing every units uniform (so he will have to own a working washing machine), which will compromise of this:
Helmet is optional. If you are Scottish kilts can be provided. And if English, we have 7 Morris Dancer's gear for your enjoyment.
6. I will be bringing back the Army and Navy. The Navy will compromise of three aircraft carriers (however no RAF, so aircraft carriers will instead carry a Starbucks and any equipment necessary), a fleet of pedalo's and a swan boat. We will need crew to fill these ships, so applicants be quick. The Army will compromise of two different groups: Dad's Army and the Forward Regiment. Dad's Army will combat Resistance wars, whilst the Forward Regiment will be reserved for when we are attacking. Other Party MU's can do what they want, preferably following my or MoD's orders. All order's will be made in the safety of a secret headquarters, somewhere in London (Number 17 Downing Street, so don't tell the enemy).
This has been Moriarty's Defense bid.
Yours,
Atticus & Kevin
ATTCISUQUATRECP
So what exactly is it that I want to do? Well, read on!
WHAT WE WILL DO TO THEM!
1. LETS KILL SOME AUSSIES! For months we have had British people living, working and generally enjoying life there. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! We must rescue them, back to their shit lives in the eUK. I will personally lead our army from the front as it rampages across Europe, Asia and then Oceania as we march on Sydney, where we will slaughter thousands of innocent civilians in the hope of saving our ex-taxpayers.
2. The Foundation of THREE. First there was ONE. Then there was TWO. Now Prepare for THREE. The alliance which will contain the eUK and Sealand alongwith Rockall, will be feared globally, especially after the massacre in Sydney. Boots will quake at the sound of the name. And then, from those ashes, will come FOUR!
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
3. To protect ourselves against the surrounding enemies, we will be building a massive wall around our entire country made out of the strongest substance known to man. That's right. Potato. The bricks will be of the roast variety, and they will be cemented together with mash potato. Not only will this protect us against the enemy, but it will provide jobs to over 326.4 people from around the country, who will earn themselves a cool 4 GBP for every day they work. To protect ourselves on the Irish side from the hungry Irish who will obviously want to eat our wall we will place cyanide pills in every roast potato on the western side of Wales, Scotland and South West England. Behind the wall will be the finalists of eUK's strongest man competition, who will throw boiled potatoes over the wall in the hope that they hit the French, Canadians and Irish. Belgian casualty's are unfortunate, and for every Belgian we kill we will let another one in our stronghold.
4. The Ministry will also be in charge of my brand new "Britain's Strongest Man" Competition, which will find out who to join "Operation Potato". The finalists will be who throw the potato's. We will find the Strongest Man through numerous different tests, which will pit the contestants against hyenas, rhino's and Diakun. They will also have to interview Jeremy Paxman, who will ask them numerous questions regarding their party affiliation and sex life.
5. Next, the Minister of Defense is in charge of washing every units uniform (so he will have to own a working washing machine), which will compromise of this:
Helmet is optional. If you are Scottish kilts can be provided. And if English, we have 7 Morris Dancer's gear for your enjoyment.
6. I will be bringing back the Army and Navy. The Navy will compromise of three aircraft carriers (however no RAF, so aircraft carriers will instead carry a Starbucks and any equipment necessary), a fleet of pedalo's and a swan boat. We will need crew to fill these ships, so applicants be quick. The Army will compromise of two different groups: Dad's Army and the Forward Regiment. Dad's Army will combat Resistance wars, whilst the Forward Regiment will be reserved for when we are attacking. Other Party MU's can do what they want, preferably following my or MoD's orders. All order's will be made in the safety of a secret headquarters, somewhere in London (Number 17 Downing Street, so don't tell the enemy).
This has been Moriarty's Defense bid.
Yours,
Atticus & Kevin
ATTCISUQUATRECP
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Comments
These seem like policies worth stealing.
Invalidation4CP
Optional helmets \o/
aircraft carriers will carry a Starbucks \0/
Been working on the THREE acronym. This is all I've got so far:
Take
High
Resources
Extremely
Easily