ATTICUSQUATRECP: THE BEST OF THE REST & AN INTERVIEW WITH vCP KEVIN

Day 2,206, 10:04 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Citizen 4945322
So, I've covered my plans on Home Affairs and that other thing, defense. But what else is there, you ask? Well, to be perfectly honest, not a lot more. But I'll cover it anyway!

THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC



The Minister of Magic will be in charge of all our prisons, which will be renamed Azkaban for the enjoyment of the prisoners. He will have his own personal bodyguard of magicians, including Paul Daniels, who will protect him day and night with lots of wands. This Ministry will be situated in Glasgow, where I expect the crime rates to thus drop below war levels. He will make sure that the guards at every prison now put sheets over their heads and pretend that they are death-eaters, and that Rupert Grint is expelled from the country on account of Crimes against Humanity.

They will also have to wear a top hat at all times, and be able to pull out a rabbit out of any orifice when necessary. Failure to do so will result in their death by magic guillotine gone faulty.

FOREIGN AFFAIRS



Aside from the creation of THREE mentioned in a previous article, the Minister of Foreign Affairs will also have to travel the world in search of the World's sexiest Pigeon, which we will then claim to have been born in Wrexham and thus our legal property. Then, we will make all our neighbours jealous with our hot pigeon, and they won't be able to touch us because of our potato wall. This minister must know what he is talking about: Lack of experience in pigeon modelling will make this job a very tough ride. They must also be able to ride a unicycle for long hours of the day, cause thats all we can afford in the way of travel.

RECRUITMENT
Minister of Recruitment/Multi's: Ajay Bruno
Under-minister's: Sir Isaac Newton PPRS/Pizza the Hutt II


As we have witnessed in the past, this man above is very good at boosting a country's population. His under-minister's are trusted, and who have also proven themselves capable. Plus one of them is knighted. Surely that says a lot about their character. These are the only positions I have so far awarded, based on the fact that so much experience could not be ignored. Although some Sage called Damien Blackfyre ran a close second.

FINANCE

Firstly, the currency of the eUK will change from the boring old GDP to Monopoly money, with limited edition Simpsons money worth twice as more. All Monopoly boards will from now on be provided with our proper GDP. Gold will be awarded in numerous competitions, which will ultimately involve more Diakun. Our Onion economy will be saved from its near collapse with an influx of gold, which will give numerous Onion farmers the tools to thrive.

Secondly, the Bank of England will be renamed the Bank of Atticus, in honour of our Fuhrer. Whenever you withdraw money at a bank or ATM you must shout HEIL KEVIN!, even though you may be alone. Thats why faces will be drawn onto every single Credit Card Machine, as if they are real. They will also say thing's like "Good Morning", "Thank-you" and "I hope that's not what I think you're inserting. Rewards cards are not for use here.".

Thirdly, anyone who looks suspicious (eye-patch, curly mustache, wheelchair) will be banned from entering banks, in case they try to rob them. For example, a man in a wheel-chair enters a bank. and rolls over to the counter. What if his wheelchair actually has machine guns in the wheels? Or Nitro boost attached to the back? Turkish barbers will now work their barbers inside banks, and if someone attempts to rob the bank they can slice them up with their knives. Also, Banana's and hippopotami are banned from entering banks, as they pose security hazards.

MINISTRY OF FUNNY WALKS

Says it all really. Do I have to explain?

_______________________________________________________________
AN INTERVIEW WITH KEVIN THE GOAT
1. Why do you think you will make a good CP Candidate?
A: "Starting round of trivia. Questions: unlimited"
2. Do you think the policies presented by your bid are strong enough to beat those of the other candidates?
A: "Name The Year: Jay Leno New Rochelle, comedian (Tonight Show host), born?"
3. Can you elaborate?
A: "19**"
4. Invalidation regularly likes his own comments. Personally, I have no problem with it. Your Thoughts?
A: "TV/ Movies: Power Rangers: The Black Ranger's weapon of choice?"
5. I know that. But isn't it just creating more of a rift in today's eUK society?
A: "Time's up! The answer was: power axe"
6. Who do you think will honestly win the Election tomorrow?
A: "Winner: Atticus; Answer: His Manifestos; Time: 4.369s; Streak: 1; Points: 5; Total: 2326"
Thanks for your time. I know you are a busy goat.
"In what form are the signals that a normal TV aerial receives?"

Yours Lovingly,

Atticus & Kevin
ATTICUSQUATRECP