A Renouilleist History of Switzerland: Lotus Black
Day 2,589, 10:51
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Published in Switzerland 
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by
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by Penguin4512
The following is a passage regarding the induction of former Swiss president and ex-CoT Supreme Commander Lotus Black into the church of Renouille.
After her presidential term, much talk began amongst the higher orders of the Renouilleist Church. This is because in a lot of ways Lotus resembled the fabled Sloth Queen of legend. The church initially dismissed this as idle rambling, saying that, after all, one would have to perform three miracles in order to truly be a divine Swiss royal. If just anyone could be a king or queen, well, what would stop someone from trying to make their OWN monarchy? (Note: see GoranJ)
It was then that Lotus performed her first two miracles. First, she negotiated a rental agreement with Macedonia. Second, she passed the Swiss Constitution. Both those things were thought to be so impossible that it became clear to everyone in an instant that she truly was the legendary Sloth Queen.
The highest orders of the church deliberated for seven days and seven nights. Finally, they agreed that the whole third miracle thing was really just a formality and so they marked the third one down as being the fact that she had become Sloth Queen without actually doing a third miracle. In doing so, they made Lotus Black the second Swiss to enter the royal canon of Renouille in all of history, joining Ilestis the Unicorn Prince to forever rule over Switzerland in Renouille's stead.
After her presidential term, much talk began amongst the higher orders of the Renouilleist Church. This is because in a lot of ways Lotus resembled the fabled Sloth Queen of legend. The church initially dismissed this as idle rambling, saying that, after all, one would have to perform three miracles in order to truly be a divine Swiss royal. If just anyone could be a king or queen, well, what would stop someone from trying to make their OWN monarchy? (Note: see GoranJ)
It was then that Lotus performed her first two miracles. First, she negotiated a rental agreement with Macedonia. Second, she passed the Swiss Constitution. Both those things were thought to be so impossible that it became clear to everyone in an instant that she truly was the legendary Sloth Queen.
The highest orders of the church deliberated for seven days and seven nights. Finally, they agreed that the whole third miracle thing was really just a formality and so they marked the third one down as being the fact that she had become Sloth Queen without actually doing a third miracle. In doing so, they made Lotus Black the second Swiss to enter the royal canon of Renouille in all of history, joining Ilestis the Unicorn Prince to forever rule over Switzerland in Renouille's stead.
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Sup Penguin
Sup
suppe
who saw my little tigers?
nice bla-bla 🙂
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haraso
If we look behind and analyze every aspect those weren't miracles, but nice article. 🙂 Lotus had indeed a good term for Switzerland.
you should have seen the size of 'em macedonians. Uh-uh! 😉
Yeah, I've seen it. Their first 100% bonus, but the followings weren't that nice, for us I mean. 🙂
who saw my little tigers?
I'm still ur king 😛
*wild Lotus appears*
Oh my 🙂 I give you my biggest thanks for the mention, sir Penguin.
Now, if you excuse me, I see some tasty buds to munch on... ... if you know what I mean 😉
Hail Sloth Queen o7
a bejš 😃
voted
😛
and she is my sloth queen
😛
Aren't you dead?
\o/ Fear, Penguin is here!!! Or something like that 😃
Not again.
You want to fight, bruh?
If you want some I'll give it ya
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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda to. I have 467 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare also, and I’m the top sniper in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the common wealth and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over one thousand ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the SAS and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
Well Penguin won this thread.
Go away, american PTOer!