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ENGLAND

England, Engerland, Merry Olde England, Albion, North France, Airstrip One, Englandistan, Inkland, Britfagland, America's Bitch, Engayland, Britshits, Middle East Jr., US Aircraft Carrier, Crumpetville, Fatland, Scotlands arse, Wales' Abusive Spouse or Tea-and-Crumpet-land is the largest and the most inbred country within the United Kingdom.
England occupies the South-Eastern portion of the British Isles. It begins south of where it is considered for maybe half of the days of the year to be "quiet mild". The South-East of the South-East, particularly Kent, can be considered "pleasant" even, but let's not get too cocky as the whole area is indiscriminately faggged by rainy weather all over. Unfortunately (for the English) England shares land borders with alcoholic free-loaders to the north and inbred sheep shaggers to the west; the Irish Sea is to the north west, the Celtic Sea to the south west and the North Sea to the east, with the English Channel to the south separating it from continental Europe. Most of England comprises the central and southern part of the island of Great Britain in the North Atlantic. The country also includes over 100 smaller islands such as the Isles of Scilly and the Isle of Wight.
Recent studies on the Human Genetic background of the British Isles has revealed that 90%> of the islands' population is homogeneous and descends from the same group of Ice Age Anatolians who made their way to the semi-defrosted archipelago via Yugoslavia and Spain. This instinctively obvious fact is made apparent in the election of a Turkish as Patron Saint. The hunting gatherer islanders were eventually taught farming and distilling but they could never achieve political union or form less than seven fiefdoms competing for only part of the Island. England was therefore subsequently invaded by superior peoples like the Italians, Danes and even by the retarded bastard children of Norwegian plunderers in France.
The English weather is a popular talking point amongst those that have not got anything better to do such as old biddies and homosexuals. On the rare occasions that temperatures rise above 21 °C (70 °F), the English take to the streets in order to burn themselves beyond recognition and comment endlessly on how mild the weather is these days.
Football (also known as Soccer in backwards countries) is the national sport of England. It is a dirt cheap sport made popular the world over by European colonialism and the crushing poverty brought on by said colonialism. In this child's sport, a man with a faggy haircut running 10 kilometers in 90 minutes while tripping over chalk lines and miming injuries is considered to be the height of athleticism and machismo. In the original rules of Football, hands were allowed to be used, however, competitors complained that this left little time to fondle and stroke each other's genitals and so the use of the upper limbs was banned. English football fans are world renown for their ability to smash shop windows, trash parked cars, set fire to police officers and beat twenty shades of shit out of each other before and after football matches.
Englandistan is a melting pot of people from many ethnic backgrounds. In England, people from different cultures celebrate their differences by shitting in each others gardens, throwing bricks through eachother's windows, smashing broken bottles over eachother's heads, raping eachother's children and stealing eachother's personal belongings.

Guide To Being English
Visit an Irish pub for an Australian beer
On the way home from the pub purchase either fish and chips (invented by Mexican Jews), an Indian curry, a Turkish kebab, or a Chinese takeaway. Though probably the curry, because they fucking rock and taste better than any fucking thing originating anywhere within about a thousand miles of England, whose national "cuisine" centers profoundly on nasty shit, boiled until at least it doesn't taste of anything.
Eat said food while sitting on a Swedish sofa while watching American programs on a Japanese television
Steal Genoese flags and Czech coats of arms and pretend that they are yours
If living in Bradford, Norwich, Gloucester or Dorset marry your cousin
Be suspicious of all things foreign whilst forgetting that your gene pool has seen more foreign sperm than Paris Hilton
Worship St. George who was a Arab who had nothing to do with England. Then bitch about how Englishness is being taken away from you because sandniggers are restricting your right to worship a sandnigger who had nothing to do with England.
If you're against people attacking Muslims, you'll probably end up a communist selling Socialist worker outside conventions for Yiffing.
Believe that England will win every sporting event, and send death threats to someone when it doesn't happen. Riot when you lose or when you win. Travel to international games not so much to see the match as to fuck up the city center and throw bricks and bottles at the local law enforcement officials. Sing ingenious songs on the terraces such as the unforgettable "I'd rather be a Paki than a Turk", premiered while playing Turkey.
Criticize Americunts for engaging in irresponsible imperialistic adventurism while forgetting that America is the product of irresponsible imperialistic adventurism on the part of the English, as well as the English doing the same to Iraq 100 years ago.
Dress in a tracksuit or other sporting gear but don't actually get any exercise
Complain about the weather when it rains. Complain about the weather when it's sunny; despite the fact that England invented rain and as such is entitled to it all day, every day.
Leech off the state
Listen exclusively to Radio 4. It's a spiffing good listen and a rollocking good time can be had.
Drink shitty beer.
Get sunburnt when it's hotter than 10°C outside.

Trolling the English
Insult the Royal Family and the British Empire on this forum.

Tell them that they are the ugliest Europeans/people in the world and the only good looking English are the mixed race ones.

Tell them how funny it is that they take so much pride in being German (Angles & Saxons) yet they are the swarthiest people in Northern Europe and look nothing like Germanics.

Tell them how unfunny Monty Python is.

Ask them how it feels to see their once great nation taking the back seat whilst Germany & France lead Europe's economic and technological advancement.

Remind them that it was common for their ancestors to commit incest sex and relationships during the medieval periods (that's probably why there so FUCKEN ugly).

Ask the English men why their women marry only Black and Muslim men? (Maybe because English men have small penises and are too pale and most look like Rowan Atkinson).

Remind them that while the age of consent may be 16, the average Englishman doesn't lose his virginity until the age of 18. (Most never lose their virginity)

Remind Englishmen that the average age for a Englishwomen to lose their virginity is 16, because they've already had sex with a Black or Muslim guy before them.

Remind them that the Muslims will eventually take over.

Remind them that their country is the most crime-ridden, fattest, least developed country in Western Europe.

Tell them that there not important to world anymore and no one gives a fuck about Britain, even their former colonies have more influence and importance to the world now than the UK.

Remind them the the British Empire couldn't beat Afghanistan in the 1800's and got fucked up big time.

Remind them that their superior democratic, atheist, intelligent, classy society, still has a monarchy run by inbred cousin-fuckers, who believe their ancestor was chosen by God or a magical sword to rule the country, and that their free lifestyle is paid by them.

Tell them that the shittiest countries drive on the left side of the road.

Confuse them with Australians.

The goal of the article is not to insult anyone. The aim is to have a laugh. Thanks to Encyclopedia Dramatica.