[WHPR] Chiles Infest Europe, PDB Public Briefings

Day 2,796, 09:38 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


Dateline: Friday, July 17th, 2015. (Day 2796)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House

Today’s WHPR:
1. Chiles Infest European Plains
2. PDB Briefings

*eNPR stats have not been released to us as of yet, and may be edited in if they are updated in time.*



CHILES INFEST EUROPEAN PLAINS


Chile peppers are common to most of us today. They are found in our diets with all kinds of food. We throw them in pizzas, sandwiches, soups, salads, and everything else we want to add a bit of flavor to. These plants are native to the Americas, but are enjoyed around the world. However, something strange has happened as of late. Chiles have started to pop up in Europe, rising from the native European soil and suffocating all other life as they tend to do.

These disgusting abhorrent plants have grown like a weed across several regions of the continent. Untrustworthy and annoying, they constantly meddle in the affairs of normal human beings. They destroy their fields and try to break peoples apart for their own benefit. They try to make a name for themselves other than "those god-awful annoying s***ts from South America that nobody wants around." This is why these repulsive plants are kept in the isolated mountains of South America. These plants may be occasionally delicious but are otherwise completely terrible and should be avoided at all costs.

As such, our allies in Europe have asked us to help eradicate this stain upon the earth. This weed-like infestation must be destroyed at all costs. However, this weed is oddly strong and resilient. As much as people may hate it, it refuses to die easily. Everyone must be armed and ready to defeat the menacing, disgusting Chiles. They may try to hold the line, as our tanks roll over them, squashing them like the inferior pests they are. We must use all of the weed-killers Monsanto has to offer. We must use all the firepower in our arsenal. Otherwise the Chiles will continue to wreak havoc across the plains of Europe.

Stand strong with our allies in the fight. Ready your weapons and be prepared to destroy this scum.

Chiles. All your fields are belong to us. You have no chance to survive. Make your time.



PDB Briefings

Here's what's happened in the first third of the administration, for those who haven't checked the forums. Reminder: A recap of what the executive did yesterday is available every in the Executive Branch forum on the national forums.

July 6th:

-Transitioning into the new roles many have adopted under President Bubblar's wise guidance
-Preparing a glorious Dioist liberation of a foreign land (more to come on this soon)
-The newly elected governments of many a nation paid tribute to President Bubblar, and begged for his great mercy. Many gifts were bestowed on our Dear Leader, and much praise was given to his devilish good looks

July 7th:

-Ensuring that all Secretaries were given clear goals to achieve
-Making sure that all Depts had ample deputies to ensure the continued success of our government
-Contacting foreign leaders to plan all aspects of our glorious invasion of Spain
-The Department of Education is putting together a great history of the eUS, through the story telling of oldfags
-The Department of Education also released this awesome article, which I encourage all to vote and comment on:
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/2536577/1/20
Curious about the reason for the Spanish NE? DoE dishes the historical context!
-Press Secretary SColbert discussed his plans to spend the day at the beach, and expressed his bewilderment that Netflix was recommending Pretty Little Liars to him. All was made good again when Phineas and Ferb was also recommended. Finally SColbert plans to finish the new season of Orange is the New Black tomorrow

July 8th:

-Strategizing how best to slaughter the pig disgusting Spaniards
-Figuring out what tea Oblige should buy
-Organizing the next episode of eNPR
-Discussing how best to cook pheasant
-Deciding what show SColbert should start watching on Netflix
-Finding ways to ensure the security of our border
-Discussing the merits of day drinking, and whether SColbert can justifiably do it at 11 AM on Friday, when he goes to the U.S. Women's Soccer Victory parade
-Education published this article instructing new players to save their gol😛 http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-doe-save-your-gold--2536759/1/20
-Coordinating with PMUs during our invasion
-More diplomatic discussions with the countries relevant to our invasion

July 9th:

Just... Read that one here: http://eusaforums.com/forum/index.php/topic,35730.0.html

July 11th:

-Defeating the pig disgusting Spaniards
-Figuring out whether corn beef is disgusting
-Discussing Serena Williams' win
-Further possible foreign adventures

July 12th:

-Planning an extension to our European vacation
-Tennis and its many viewer
-Pfeiffer's wacky adventures in moving into a new living space
-Whale cunts
-Tenshibo's hangover
-The importance of creativity when designing a flag

July 13th:

-Planning our adventure through France
-SColbert lying about publishing the Press Briefings in the WHPR tonight
-Jefferson Locke appropriating Department of Education funds to buy hookers
-A new WHPR: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-whpr-budget-war-and-enpr-2537878/1/20
-German betrayal

July 14th:

-SColbert postponing his in game publication indefinitely
-Department of Education funding
-War plans
-Complaining about not receiving our very important awards
-The "freakin" awesome new intro music to eNPR
-President Bubblar's massive migraine

July 15th:

-OBLIGE [redacted] BECAUSE WHALE!!!! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO HARASS HIM ABOUT IT.
-New names for Albania. Currently Albitchia is my favorite.
-Jefferson Locke is sick (and sexy)
-MrCarey told SColbert to post the Press Briefings in the WHPR again, but he pretended to have not noticed it, despite perusing the PDB being essentially his only job.
-A debate was had on whether Turkish coffee needs sugar
-The sexual tension between Oblige and Pfeiffer built even further
-MrCarey acted like the PDB wasn't a place for nonsense

July 16th:

-Derp volunteered to do SColbert's job
-SColbert was given clear instructions as to what he should be posting in the WHPR
-Many gay whale pictures were posted by Tenshibo
-Oblige and Pfeiffer continued their courtship
-SColbert got yelled at by Oblige, but SColbert told Oblige to go away



Sincerely, Your Media Team:
Derphoof
Aramec
Paul Proteus

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