[SColbert] A New Hope for Democracy

Day 2,660, 11:41 Published in USA USA by SColbert

Citizens of the civilized eWorld, on this day we mark a transition. For a thousand years, the eUS stood as the crowning achievement of civilized beings. But there were those who would set us against one another, and we took arms to defend of way of life against the rebels. In doing so, we never suspected that the greatest threat came from within.

The Bro Force, and some within our own Senate, had conspired to create the shadow of the rebellion using one of their own as the enemy's leader. They had hoped to grind the eUS into ruin. But the hatred in their hearts could not be hidden forever. As last, there came a day when our enemies showed their true natures.

The Bro Force hoped to unleash their destructive power against the eUS by assassinating the head of government and usuring control of the USAF army. But the aims of the would-be tyrants were valiantly opposed by those without elitist, dangerous powers. Our loyal USAF troopers contained the insurrection within the Bro Force Temple and quelled uprisings in all 50 states of the glorious eUS.
The remaining Bro Force will be hunted down and defeated. Any collaborators will suffer the same fate. These have been trying times, but we have passed the test.
The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed, but I assure you my resolve has never been stronger. The war is over. The rebels have been defeated, and the Bro Force rebellion has been foiled. We stand on the threshold of a new beginning.
In order to ensure the security and continuing stability, the eUS will be reorganized into the first Galactic American Empire, for a safe and secure society, which I assure you will last for 10,000 years. An American Empire that will be continue to be ruled by this august body and a sovereign ruler chosen for life. An American Empire ruled by the majority, ruled by a new constitution.

By bringing the entire galaxy under one law, one language, and the enlightened guidance of one individual, the corruption that plagued the eUS in its later years will never take root. Regional governors will eliminate the bureaucracy that allowed the rebels movement to grow unchecked. A strong and growing military will ensure the rule of law.
Under the American Empire's New Order, our most cherished beliefs will be safeguarded. We will defend our ideals by force of arms. We will give no ground to our enemies and we will stand together against attacks from with or without. Let the enemies of the American Empire take hee😛 Those who challenge Imperial resolve will be crushed.

We have taken on a task that will be difficult, but the people of the American Empire are ready for the challenge. Because of our efforts, the galaxy has traded war for peace and anarchy for stability. Billions of beings now look forward to a secure future. The American Empire will grow as more countries feel the call, from Europe to the wilds of Asia.

Imperial citizens must do their part. Join our grand USAF army. Become the eyes of the American Empire by reporting suspected insurrectionists. Travel to the corners of the eWorld to spread the principles of the New Order to barbarians. Build monuments and technical wonders that will speak of our glory for generations to come.

The USAF troopers, and proudly wearing the name of Imperial stormtroopers, have tackled the dangerous work of fighting our enemies on the front lines. Many have died in their devotion to the American Empire. Imperial citizens would do well to remember their example.
The New Order of peace has triumphed over the shadowy secrecy of shameful magicians. The direction of our course is clear. I will lead the American Empire to glories beyond imagination.

We have been tested, but we have emerged stronger. We moved forward as one people - the Imperial citizens of the first Galactic American Empire. We will prevail. Ten thousand years of peace begins today!