Join the new world

Already have an account? Login



What is this?

You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.

[MWC] To the death of all mankind

Day 3,307, 16:42 • Published in United Kingdom

• by mwcerberus

Howdy,

So I've been offline for over a year,
So i may as well eKill myself properly, ,;; melting down my companies and training grounds and giving away my monies to friends.

which brings me to my first point,, if you want some monies then put your hands out (comment below)
REQUIREMENTS
1. Be an old friend of mine
-end

the following 3 people don't need to comment I will be giving them some monies
Fraggles
Waynikinns
Chazzybumflaps

money will be distributed when i can be bothered and there's a 48% chance i may release 1 more article just highlighting some of my highlights from he game.

bonus pics

Comments

CptChazbeard Day 3,307, 17:35

Don't you fecking dare die just yet. I've been awaiting your return!

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:22

to death with dignity *mwcerberus* raises glass oh and chazzy quick favor if you would,if Horice ever revives please tell him goodbye. one point the 5 of us Spamicans were half the media 🙂

Leo Balzac Day 3,307, 18:11

🙁

CptChazbeard Day 3,307, 18:35

😁He's only here for the cash

Leo Balzac Day 3,307, 21:52

No. I am here for the love.

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:03

ah leo 🙂

HebronGazelle Day 3,307, 18:11

hey

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:04

cheetah nice too see you

HebronGazelle Day 3,309, 12:18

Do an eJoke Day before you leave!

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:37

Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
How do you know a man is well hung?
When you can only fit about 1 finger between the noose and his neck.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The wife has just nominated me to do the ice bucket challenge. I'm a little confused.

Has anyone else been asked to hold a toaster at the same time?
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I approached a gorgeous woman outside the pub last night:

"Is it true that chicks dig scars?"

"Not me," she said. "I can't stand them."

"Good," I said, pulling out my knife. "Then I'm sure you'll do what you're told..."
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.

Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I was in ASDA and saw a guy off Crimewatch who is wanted for several rapes. I tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. The police arrived and arrested me!!

Apparently they use actors on the show.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I've just been raped by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one it was.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:38

[removed]

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:39

-But mum I don't want to take over Mongolia.
-Now now Gengis, what do we say?
-I'm Gengis Khan not Gengis Khan't.
-Good boy,
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Lost my watch last night. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked straight up to him and punched him right in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I met a painter who only paints using Japanese rice wine, but it was just saké for art’s sake.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////
I’ve got very sensitive teeth. They’ll probably be upset I’ve told you.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I thought Benefits Street was a budget box of chocolates that you could buy at Lidl.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Who remembers when X Factor was just Roman suncream?
//////////////////////////////////////////
Have you heard about the evil group of men who control all the world’s cheese? The hallouminati.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My brother and friends spend all of their time floating out at sea. Well, boys will be buoys.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I’ll tell you what separates the men from the boys. Operation Yewtree.

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:40

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I sai😛 ‘I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is.’ He sai😛 ‘You have to love Easter, baby.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
YOLO means a lot less to hindus
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Say what you want about deaf people...
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:40

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Bastian Schweinsteiger is hoping to become the most influential German for Man Utd since the bloke who forgot to de-ice the runway in Munich
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle

11.34: Found murder weapon in drain

11.34: Realised watch was broken

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:41

During a job interview yesterday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly.
"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.
I replied simply, "No, I always give 110%"
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
"Tits man or arse man?" I was asked.
I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
me: how do you spell me?
her: m e
me: you forgot the D
her: there’s no D in me
me: not yet bitch
//////////////////////////////////////////////
You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster.
I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A vampire masturbating in front of a mirror. Bet you didn't see that coming
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a lot of new faces out there and all i can say is i'm very disappointed.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I need pizza, but i have no money for pizza, I need a pizza daddy, a Papa John if you will.

mwcerberus Day 3,309, 12:43

The other day my girlfriend said she wanted a rape alarm. So at 6.45 this morning, I put tape over her mouth….
When I was finished, I whispered in her ear, "Time to get up for work, darling."
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I … am an extremely tall midget
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Are all girls claustrophobic? It seems every single one freaks out when they're locked in my boot.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I've been searching for my stolen bed.
And I won't rest until I find it.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There'll be no coffin at his funeral.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Do you come here often?
Or have I been smelling the seat cushions for no reason?
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husban😛 "You have perfect eyesight."
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
what do you call a message sent by a girl............... fe-MAIL
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
The Mailman's daughter broke my heart, I still can't letter go
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
-Where did you hide the nutella?
-I'm nuttelling you