[ESO] MASTERPLAN: phase 1b

Day 3,110, 02:44 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by VoodooMike71

PROJECT: Phoenix
STAGE: 1
TITLE: Arbitrary Attacks On Opponents


1b) TUP

It would be lazy and obvious to write an article mourning (or celebrating, depending on your viewpoint) the death of TUP.

A year ago they were comfortably the largest party in the eUK; nobody could get near them. Two years ago they were running the eUK, our alliance, the markets, your life etc etc.

Now look at them (if you can find them). They do nothing. They say nothing. They’re sliding down the rankings faster than a greasy weasel on a buttered surfboard. They’ve turned into the sad wet dog of eUK politics.


"It was all BigAnt's fault!"


So deep and dark has their demise been, it's easy to write them off as dead. Maybe with a little pointing and laughing added in for good measure. You could even throw in the odd "Thay had it coming!" or "Serves them bloody well right!" if you want to - it's entirely up to you

But, as I say, writing an opportunistic ESO recruitment article based on TUP’s death would be lazy. So I won’t. Indeed, that definitely isn't what I just did.

Because, if you scratch the surface little, you’ll find something potentially far more sinister than the simple death of a once-great party. Something far more dangerous.

It’s not strictly true to say that TUP are dead - not all of them anyway. There are a small but immensely powerful cabal within their ranks, who secretly still run almost everything. You all know who I’m talking about, but you probably didn’t really register the fact that they’re TUP. Because they’re sneaky. They're underhand.

They're … evil.



Firstly you have Rathena Gelc. She appeared from nowhere, used her evil influence to secure two diabolical CP terms, and then - as if by magic - disappeared in a puff of smoke. Worse than that, she models herself on an Australian (Australia = the underworld, obviously).

And then there’s Paul Tyndale. He’s positioned himself at the helm of the MoD, because that’s where all the weapons are. He’s been around for years, and then - all of a sudden in an astonishing transformation - gained a remarkable new lease of life. He instantly knows everything that’s going on around the world (not “soon after it’s happened” - INSTANTLY). And he only operates after dark.

Finally, and perhaps most worryingly, there’s the infamous Madelina de Melrose. Held in high regard by the entire eUK population, Madelina* is always there, educating our young and looking after our health. It’s no accident that Madelina was the first person I spoke to when I joined eRep, because she makes a point of catching stray children and indoctrinating “educating” them through MoHA. And when she’s not doing that, she’s running the NHS. You know, where we keep the blood.

Oh, and then there’s dougal4chaos. ‘Nuff said.



So don’t fall into the trap of watching TUP’s demise and assuming that they’re dying.

They’re not.

They’re already dead

And they’re coming for you!



Fortunately, there is a place where you can take refuge from the oncoming TUP apocalypse. A place with a ring of holy water outside, and plenty of fire water inside.


Welcome to the ESO Club

You know where we are.





This could be misconstrued for Carlton dancing on a grave.




*Madelina is my bestist eRep friend, who I’m sure will take this in the spirit in which it’s intended. Or she’ll kill me and eat my brain - one of the two.