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This article is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Department of Homeland Security

^{As always, Mood Musik, caught fresh this morning}

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Falling off the (Welcome) Wagon

"You know how, when a baby is first born, it just cries at the sheer horror of being alive?"

It's basically the same when you make an account in this game. Sure, maybe there's one less umbilical cord, but the sensory overload and complete lack of information cannot be rivaled. Rather than a fun and engaging internet game, for new players, eRepublik can seem like a nightmare.


^{And I shall lead the requisite song and dance routine}

In that, case then, the miracle isn't that Neal Page makes it back to his family in time for thanksgiving, or that the grinch has a heart beating under that slimy exterior, rather, the miracle is that anyone who joins this game makes it and perseveres through the muck of missions, gold bonuses, and a metagame almost entirely removed from the site itself.


^{Photo of Plato at his high school prom moments before implementing V2}

Still, rather than a miracle, perhaps there's a more accurate explanation for the existence of any one of us. Think back to when you were a young player, bright eyed and full of naive hope, this browser game looks fun, and it says it only takes 15 minutes a day, maybe I'll be President one day, or even better, I'll have a newspaper!, and without a doubt, you'll remember someone who helped you. Someone who explained to you that, no, IRC has nothing to do with the IRS. Someone who helped you make that first step into the wild blue yonder of eRepublik, holding your hand all the way.

There never were many of these thankless individuals, and there are fewer now, as population drops at plague-like rates, than there ever have been before.

So, with so much at stake, who will be our savior? Who will save the children?

Enter the Government stage left


^{Long live the government, long live bureaucracy}

Or was it stage right? In any case, we're now coming to the meat of this article. I previously spoke of the dearth of players willing to take thankless roles and do everything they can to encourage new players, and help them take part in the glorious ^{[citation needed]} experiment of this game. That person is Malarkey83 (so hot right now). I don't need to pontificate on his character, his steely blue eyes, his bold vision...no, this is common knowledge. Consequently, it should come as no surprise that under his watch the DHS will do more than specify rules for eTSA body cavity searches (though that popular program will continue). Under Malarkey's watchful gaze, and brilliant hiring of the noble Aramec, the possibly nobler Delyruin and the nobler-est Paul Proteus, the DHS has dredged from the depths of eUS lore, and dusted off a program for this very purpose.

The DHS presents to you,

The Welcome Wagon Program


^{Pictured here, minion Delyruin pulling his Welcome Wagon weight}

So, what is welcome wagon again? To quote our fearless leader, Malarkey:

The goal of Welcome Wagon is to introduce new players to eRepublik by investing education and patience to help them enjoy and understand the game. Being new is challenging when you join a community with older players, but Welcome Wagon is here to help you out.

So, basically, we're providing newer players with the assistance that once upon a time came more organically. We're messaging new players, offering them assistance, mentoring, welcoming them to the Meta, doing everything we can to make their early days in eRepublik as joyful and not-soul-destroying as possible.

How can I help?

Gee Paul, that sounds like a pretty dandy idea, is there anything I can do to help?
Why yes rhetorical question, there is! If you want to donate to the program, send money to myself, or probably more responsibly, to Malarkey83, and if you want to become involved in any way, don't hesitate to shoot Malarkey a message.


^{Just in: Study shows new players are people too!}

And if you're a newer player reading this, and you've somehow fell through the cracks, please, feel free to message me, or anyone involved, and we'll do our best to help you enter our community.

That's all for today, for now it's time to return to the Welcome Wagon slave messaging camps, until next time,

Thankfully yours,
Paul Proteus: Official DHS Media Whore

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And, your moment of zen:


^{Clearly this is somewhat wagon related}

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Until next time,