White House Press Release - Oct. 10

Day 1,055, 19:21 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
“Eugene Harlot has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.”



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This WHPR will focus on international affairs news, includes a brief interview with the Deputy Secretary of State Tyler Jenkins, and ends with a little bit of monkey business...



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New Friends in New Places

We have begun a couple of different alliances over the last few days. We signed an alliance with Latvia, an ex-Phoenix founder who is branching out to make allies with some EDEN and neutral countries. Latvia’s MPPs with us and Poland could be the start of bringing the new ally onto EDEN's roster, and might create a new front right in the center of 3 Phoenix countries: Lithuania, Estonia and Russia's west face.

We also recently resigned our MPP with our friends in Sweden. Stay sexy Sweden.

Speaking of EDEN, Italy was recently accepted into the superalliance, and we were quick to show our solidarity with them through a MPP. Let's hope our friendship with our boot-shaped brethren turns out to be a long and helpful one for both sides! We will see.

We lost our MPP with Croatia this morning when we attacked West Bengal, India. The loss of the MPP directly contradicted the new alliance rules described in the last Insider article. Rest assured, we will be working to remedy this and are still great allies with our Croatian friends. The alliance will be either fixed or reapplied soon.

(Special thanks to Blank Keating for putting this section together)



Some Words on India

There is a pressing issue that this newspaper needs to deal with. That issue is the Pakistani/Indian war. As everyone reading this paper should know, India is as bad as Battlefield Earth with the lead actor being portrayed by J-Biebs. With that in mind, you must know who we are supporting in this war. We wish the greatest luck and support to the Holy Dioist Legions marching through the cow-disgusting wasteland.

As long as we get our KarnaTACO back. The Great Ape is hungry 😉



Meet the Government

Staff writer Athanaric is in change of this section of the WHPR from now on. Today’s guest is Deputy Secretary of State Tyler Jenkins.

Q: What is your name and what do you do?

I'm Tyler Jenkins, part military man, part politician, all American. Currently I'm the Deputy Secretary of State as well as the congressman from Mississippi. I'm also a current Guardsman.

Q: What do you see as being the biggest state issue facing the US today?

With all the different updates/changes to the modules, our biggest issue is simply staying on top of what is actually going on. There will be a number of countries affected by this new MPP change, for example, and we'll need to make sure we have all the information on these other countries available. It's also vital that we keep in constant contact with our friends throughout the world to make sure we can support them in the way they will be/have been supporting us.

Q: If you could have your life sound-tracked or narrated, what would it be and by who?

I'd have it sound-tracked by famous film composer John Williams. He's known for his "grand" themes and I can just hear the brass section bellowing as I go to grab a sandwich out of the refrigerator.

Thanks Tyler!



Operation Monkey Business

Get Get Ready.

The Great Ape will have BIG news tomorrow.



See you on the battlefield.

- The White House