Join the new world

Written by: Salad V.

The people of Nowhere are facing hardship again. Nowhere is a small region in a third world country barely mentioned, so unknown our reporters did not even bother to ask the name.

The current military conflict in the middle of Nowhere was caused because of the rare resource known as No Reason. Yes, there is war in Nowhere for No Reason again. The two warring factions, The Dim Wit Dogs, a rebel group which tries to gain access to No Reason, and the Totally Homo Emmasculatd Men, a radical left leaning white supremacist fascist dictatorial political organization which ruled Nowhere for decades and keeps a lot of political power in Nowhere's politics by owning a monopoly over the No Reason extractors, have scalated the conflict into total war.

Our reporters tried to get informaton from both the DWD's leader, the inbred autistic Sonic The Hedgehog fan Mongo Johnson, and the THEM's equally inbred and mentally handicapped general Cracker White, unfortunatelly both refused to accept the interview claiming that they had a bad case of diarhea.

However we could get some information regarding the conflict. Apparently The United States of Murrica and the People's Republic of God Know's Where are knowingly assisting both sides which requested help due to the incompetence of their leaders. Yes, you are reading well, both countries are working as allies to both factions intentionally with the purpose of reaping the benefits no matter who wins and get the precious No Reason at low prices from whoever emerges victor.

In the case of the DWD, they recieve assistance mostly through tactical advice and constant supply of Mountain Dew and RC Cola, which they need to keep their autism working. The THEM also get much needed tactical advice, but in stead of Mountain Dew and RC Cola they request a suply of Pabst Blue Ribbon and BuzzFeed politically correct articles. In the end the victory will depend on mere chance.

So, to conclude, a group of inbred nobodies helped by other nations which only want to reap the benefits are fighting a war in the middle of Nowhere fo No Reason.