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THE TRUE STORY OF Pa Q, Part Five of Nine


Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4


V. The Problem of Making a Living

After paying up and begging forgiveness, Pa Q returned to his hovel at the former Guardian Angels Temple. After sundown, he started to feel something was wrong. Then he recalled that he was shirtless. He put on his ragged old parka and lay down. When he awoke the sun was up. He sat up and said, "Curse it!"

He loafed around the streets for a while as usual, but again began to feel something was wrong. Apparently from that day forward all the women in Weishaupt fought shy of Pa Q. Whenever they saw him coming they went the other way.

This struck Pa Q as very strange. "The biyatches!" he thought. "All of sudden they are all behaving like young ladies."

A few days later he felt even more that something was wrong. First, the tavern refused him credit. Secondly, the old codger in charge of the ruins of the former Guardian Angels Temple made some uncalled-for remarks, as if he wanted Pa Q to leave. Thirdly, for more days than he could remember not a soul hired him for a job. This last insult resulted in having to go hungry, and that really was a "cursed" state to be in.






When he could stand it no longer Pa Q when to his former employer's household commune to find out what was the matter. But a man appeared at the Jo's door who looked thoroughly annoyed and waved him away as if he were a beggar and said "Get out!".

"This seems fishy," Pa Q muttered to himself. After making careful inquiries he discovered that when they had odd jobs they all now called in Young D. Pa Q's indignation was greater than usual since Young D was even thinner and weaker than Whiskers McGillicuddy.

Pa Q ran into Young D a few days later and called him out. "Beast!", spluttered Pa Q.

"I am an insect -- will that do?" rejoined Young D.

Such modesty enraged Pa Q even more. The two skinny beggars presented a spectacle of evenly matched antagonism, both men bending at the waist, slowing twisting about in an arcane dance of animosity as some onlookers tried to stop them and others egged them on.

The two combatants turned a deaf ear to all. After a half-hour or so, when steam was pouring off them and sweat pouring down their cheeks, Pa Q and Young D simultaneously let their hands fall. They straightened up and pushed their way through the crowd.

"Just you wait. Curse you!" call Pa Q over his shoulder.

"Curse you! Just you wait...: echoed Young D.







The epic struggle ended with no clear resolution, neither victory or defeat. And still no one hired Pa Q.



One warm day, when a balmy breeze seemed to bring a foretaste of summer, Pa Q actually felt cold. His quilt, hat and shirt had long since disappeared. And he'd sold his parka too. Now he had nothing left but his trousers and these of course he could not take off.

He dreamed of finding some money in the road, but none came his way. He had also been hoping he might suddenly discover some money in his tumble-down room, and had frantically ransacked it, but the room was quite, quite empty. Then he made up his mind to go search for food.



He passed by his favorite pubs without giving them a second thought.

Weishaupt was not a big place, and soon he had left it behind. Most of the countryside outside the village consisted of fields, green as far as the eye could see, dotted here and there with little moving objects: institutional-revolutionary anarcho-communist farmworkers cultivating the fields.

Blind to the quiet delights of country life, Pa Q continued on his way, for he knew instinctively that this was still far removed from his "search for food".







Finally he arrived at the crumbly old walls of the Peoples Convent of Quiet Self-Improvement. Surrounded by green fields, inside its low walls was neatly-tended vegetable garden. Pa Q scrambled over the ancient wall. It crumbled a bit. Pa Q shook with fear but by grabbing onto a mulberry bush he managed to clamber over it.

Within the wild profusion of the vegetable garden Pa Q could not find any wine, pizza or anything edible. There were some cabbages and swiss chard but Pa Q couldn't imagine eating that.

He started towards the gate when spied a patch of turnips. He knelt down and had just begun pulling when a small round head appeared from behind the gate, only to be promptly withdrawn. It was no other than the little nun!

He hastily pulled up four turnips, tore off the leaves, and stuffed them in his pockets. By this time the sister had approached him.

"By Emma, Lucy and Elizabeth Gurley Flynn, how dare you climb into our garden and steal our turnips! How wicked you are. May Voltairine DeCleyre preserve us!"

"Ha! When did I ever climb into your garden and steal turnips?", Pa Q retorted, starting off towards the wall away from her.

The nun pointed to the bulges in his pockets and laughed.

Pa Q took to his heels as fast as he could, followed by a fat black dog who gave chase, snarling and just about to bite him when a turnip fell from his pocket, and the dog, taken by surprise, stopped for a second.

He scrambled up and over the wall and fell, turnips and all, outside the peoples convent. He left the black dog barking and the peoples' nun reciting the somber and bitter verses of DeCleyre's "The Toast of Despair".







He gathered up his turnips and ran, picking up a few small stones as he went. But the black dog did not reappear. He threw away stones and munched on the raw turnips, thinking to himself, "This countryside is useless. I'd better go into town." By the time the third turnip was finished he had made up his mind to definitely go into town.


















XOXOXOXOX,
PQ
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Previous episodes:

I. Four difficulties
II. A Short Tale of Pa Q's Victories
III. Further Accounts of Pa Q's Victories
IV. The Tragedy of Love


Four more fearsome parts to go. Enjoy them all!