The Canadian crusade against United Faildom – How did it succeed?

Day 1,002, 07:31 • Published in Canada USA • by Sossu

The third invasion of United Kingdom has now reached a critical point, and therefore it requires a semi-serious article to be written, compiling the events and the reasons behind them that have led UK to the brink of destruction. United Faildom is such a hilarious caricature of a nation that writing an unbiased article out of them is impossible to me, so readers be aware, I might have slipped something mocking about the soon-to-be Canadian Isles to this article. (translation: This article is biased as shit)

Cautions aside, let’s cut to the story. The war between Canada and UK was launched as Canada made futile attempts to conquer France, which opened a chain reaction war between Canada and UK. While there were plans to start peace talks with the French, Canada laid her eyes on England, looking for a war simply for amusement instead of securing important tactical assets or natural resources. Although UK sits between America and the old continent, and has been used as a drive-through on several occasions, Eden doesn’t currently need to ship any nation across the Atlantic Ocean. The successful attack on Scotland led by Poland resulted to Poland taking control of several American states and ultimately jumping through the Pacific Ocean as well, in to China where Poland currently plots an attack on Liaoning.

When Canada attacked UK, they received a hasty smile from the world as the European superpowers battled each other under drastic circumstances as severe hackings had just shaken the power balances. The Canadian effort was thwarted in Wales, but encouraged by their victory in Scotland, Canada pushed on, probably surprised by herself as well as the nations of the world have grown accustomed to the general rules of warfare in V1, where it’s nearly impossible to win a battle alone against a full MPP-stack, containing all the big players of the enemy alliance. These rules don’t apply in V2, as the world quickly learned. Canada pressed on and attacked several British regions at once in multiple waves, winning nearly every one of them. Though suffering from a few setbacks by Russia who inhabit the Southern parts of Norway, by now Canada has won 10 battles against UK and their 7-8 allies.

From Scotland, Canada jumped to Norway and invaded Vestlandet, where the British source of oil was located. From there they have pushed northward, towards Nord-Norge which borders the sole Norwegian region, Svalbard & Jan Mayen. Norway can’t be fully liberated before the wars they’ve launched against UK and Russia have been closed. Though humiliating UK and Phoenix is the primary objective, erasing Norway for a temporary amount of time would be a good side perk.
In England, Canada took the easternmost route towards London, capturing many coastal regions on the way, while also progressing in Northern Ireland and Wales. Slowly but steadily, more than half of UK has fallen to Canada, who are now knocking on the gates of London.

How is this possible? The answer is simple: timing. In V1, the time when a battle was started and supposed to end played a minor role as armies could be online for the necessary 30 seconds required to fight at any time of the day. In V2, fighting is a long process. For a helicopter, it takes a dozen turns to reach the far edge of the map. Flying there takes nearly half an hour, and as the critical hexes are often located far away from the attacker’s safe zone, capturing them takes time. Long gone are the last-minute tankings, the final hour is what matters the most in the battles of V2.

After finishing supper, Canadians and Americans would simply log in and sweep the battlefield from Brits who had deployed overnight. Sometimes there was no resistance at all, as Phoenix doesn’t have adequate troops online at American prime time, nor do they care enough about UK to order their citizens to camp overnight on UK😒 battlefields. UK is constantly mocked by the ignorance their alliance shows at them, but it couldn’t be clearer seen than in these battles. The lack of orders directing citizens to fight for UK have been justified with lack of enemies, as Canadians aren’t to be found on the battlefield during European prime time. However, Poland, another European nation has attacked UK and they have currently captured the entire field, yet no relevant Phoenix nation orders their people to defend UK from Poland. Some nations order citizens to fight Canada in East of England, while others lack the interest of encouraging their citizens to defend UK at all. Funny me, I thought that Phoenix was ran by Brits these days, but apparently they are having a hard time trying to get the alliance to defend their home nation. Also the orders directing citizens to fight Canada instead of Poland imply that Canada is seen as a bigger threat than Poland. Way to go Canada, your reputation will soon exceed legendary measures.


London, eagerly awaiting to be saved from the Brits.

While Phoenix doesn’t give a flying f*ck about UK, the administration of the country itself seems to have lost their game completely. While they ridiculously try to extinguish the growing dissent within the British public by claiming that Canada can waste all the money they have, the truth is that they are scared to death of Canada. The financial excuses are laughable; Canada produces all of Eden’s titanium, making them very rich. It’s UK running short of money to adequately defend their nation, as the Great Britain’s Pound is one of the lowest currencies in value. Their nation can’t rake up Gold from the monetary market, and the buying power of the general public is minuscule. Every region Canada invades must be recaptured at some point, and that costs Gold. Lots of Gold, as the administration of UK made a catastrophic decision of not attacking the regions Canada captured in the early phases of the campaign, but let them deeper in futile hopes that Phoenix would suddenly pay attention to their despair or that Canadians would suddenly run out of money. Now when Canada borders London, they are trying to save the remnants of their nation. In response, Poland launched their invasion against UK by attacking Southwest of England, which is dangerously close to London. Even if UK manages to change the course of war, the costs of recapturing the lost provinces might be unbearable. Dishcmds’ position as the Secretary General of Phoenix might be a windy spot when his own nation’s leaders have plunged UK to a position where the only option to save the country might be asking a loan from other Phoenix nations.

As for now, the only question to be asked is who will invade London. While Canada occupies East of England, they might be shoved off from there as the attack on the region ends on European prime time, setting them back in their aims. Poland is close to London as well, and as the stronger one of the two, Poland would be the logical choice to spearhead the attack on London. On the other hand, this is a triumph of Canada and the final punch on Phoenix’s face should be hit by them.

Hopefully we will dine in London tomorrow. Make sure to bring your own sandwiches if you don’t want to suffer from British food.