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Potpourri

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"Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it."

-- Conan O'Brien


Jokes

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According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you.

They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive, women who sleep on their stomachs are competent, and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular.

-o-o-o-o-

A fifty-four-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. Seeing GOD, she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live!"

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in hospital; have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, and brighten her teeth!

On the way home, while crossing the street, she was killed -- by an ambulance, no less!

Arriving in front of GOD, she demanded, "I thought You said I had another 43 years? Why didn't You pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

GOD replie😛 "I didn't recognize you!"

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Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown."

I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"

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My parents were soooooo poor, they got married for the rice.