I Stand Ready to Be in the Cool Kids Club

Day 2,603, 21:24 • Published in USA USA • by Jude Conners
Greetings and Salutations. I'm Jude Conners and I would like to talk to you today about impending war. I know that we all saw the DoW against the USA by the British. Such a bold move by a proud and pompous shit-tier nation is bound to attract attention. But, did you know WHY the British want to go to war with USA?
Gather round, my fellow Americans, and join in a cheer of the days of eRep Old, the days when Field Marshall was a worthy achievement. The days when your storage was only 20 spaces. The days when the best way to manage a company was by putting it in your org. The days when the Beta Giants were called the oldfags by the noobtastic V1 Babies. The days when DIO DIO DIO was more than just a catchphrase and people actually used to chat in #usa-chat.
See back then, things between the eUSA and the eUK were not so great. Stemming from fallout over a failed alliance and backstabbing, "I STAND READY TO KILL REDCOATS!!! became the rallying battle cry of the Americans. Multiple wars and a history of strained relations, even as allies, has been the status quo, primarily due to the United Kingdom's constant foreign affairs policy of flip-flopping like a Banger Sister at a rock concert.
Just a few weeks ago, I was a Congressman and Deputy Minister of War in the UK and have had a ringside seat to the derpiness. I had the opportunity to jump back to America to get involved with SHIELD and the Federalist Party and I took it. I had to get away from the incredible stupidity that was UK politics. But the UK isn't happy about that. And that is why they are deciding whether or not to declare war on the USA.

Think I'm lying?
So let's give them what they want, right? I encourage the UK to declare war on the USA. Come and get me, boys! After the two days that it'll take the USA to wipe UK is over, I will ask WildOwl to appoint me to the position of Emperor and Lord over the American English colonies. Afterwards, I will be worthy even enough to be invited to the ranks of CKC: Cool Kids Club.






As always, it's been your pleasure.







Listen to the Magic Carpet Ride with Jude Connors - LIVE every Friday Night 19:00-22:00 eRepublik time on RadioStar.FM. You'll be glad you did!