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Hear, hear, townsfolk! Here be the news.



| Hail Astrid Installed As New MoD; Users Fear Ransomware

Some of you may have seen the Country President's latest article, in which he announced that he was dropping out of school to focus full-time on eRepublik , issued an open invitation to become the Minister of Defence in a manner akin to someone starting a bar fight before flipping you the bird.


As my own personal values state that I must not work on any day ending with a "y", I had to decline at first. But then I saw this...



In light of this tasty exchange, I've decided to pick up the slack and formally accept Country President Aaron Mark Daniels' invitation to head the Ministry of Defence. While I'm waiting for him to hand over the org details, the battle orders will temporarily be for Spain in Gibraltar.

New directives from my Ministry of Defence include:

- having to yell "for the glory of Mother Russia" every time you click the "Fight" button
- a law mandating that eUK fighters must donate all proceeds from Battle Hero/Campaign Hero medals to the MoD org for government usage (a.k.a. the "Steal Yo Money" bill, coming soon to a Congress near you)
- helping those who wish to purchase super stronk accounts to do so. Just PM your credit card details and you'll get your shiny new account in no time!



| Rob4CP

The Ministry of Hail Astrid officially endorses Robert Theodore Hutchinson Ernie Bruce for Country Presidency in the month of June 2016. Known colloquially as Rob T.H.E. Bruce, he released a campaign article which appeared to be one part biting satire, one part bitter criticism, one part serious statement of intent and two parts water. Rob is known as the man who marries humourous trolling with actual knowledge of gameplay, the man who can unite both the srs bzns people and the banter train, the man who sees the glass as not half-empty nor half-full, but does not see the glass as existing at all.



| ESO Spam War

Great UKRP Leader Sir Humphrey Applepay has generously appointed me as Chief of Staff in our fledging spam war against our enemy... wosstheirname. Having fallen from political significance somewhat, VoodooMike has attempted to revive them by calling out the other parties in his so-called Masterplan, which appears to involve publishing articles about... other... parties... giving them... free... publicity... without... them... having... to... do... any... work...

Hmm, good plan, that.

I don't understand much about this spam war other than it somehow involves publishing articles with very little content or substance, which is something I usually do anyway.

Anyway, I was stumped on what I should do to aid the great UKRP in this holy war, until Chemical Chaos gave me an suggestion.



So I did in the form of a short, inflammatory poem in which I personally attack other users of an online game because it's what I do for fun.

*beat drops*
*coughs*
We've got
Chemical Chaos
You'd best take the day off
Trying to beat UKRP? *scoff*
Just accept your loss
or you'll be busy shoving gauze in your broken jaws without pause
*pause*

Frix left you for us
And Popovic said that your party's bit the dust
Dannydan's in retirement in Ireland
What happened to the old ESO that was vibrant and bustling
With new members; for new members, the members were always hustlin'
MIK's 24-hour rule, dannydan's rude jokes
Now the only joke's this spam war, because you've got no hope

So Mr Cherry better keep his panda paws to himself
And Voodoo can put those old graphics back on the shelf
Nick A Lama the llama can get on all fours
cuz our CC is better than yours


*intermission*



This has been Hail Astrid, eagerly awaiting a response from ESO if they are still alive

Thank you for reading and sorry that this signature isn't as long as AMD's

Hail Astrid
Minister of Hail Astrid
Minister of Defence
Chief of Staff, UKRP Spam War
Filthy Weeaboo
Useless Position #3 Goes Here