[MoHA] Hail Astrid Official Criminal Record

Day 2,927, 00:02 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Hail Astrid




Well, since you asked...





Plato and Censorship: A Love Affair

Thanks to fascism, the following Pulitzer Prize-worthy pieces of literature are now lost forever:

- Incredible Speed Drawing
- Man's Butt Synchronises Perfectly With All Forms of Music
- Nerdy Guy Fingering Hot Redhead Chick
- Incredible Pop-and-Lock Dance Move
- When You Jizz On Yo Screen And The Sh*t Don't Wipe Off (gloriously uncensored)
- Young Latina Rides Huge Cock
- TFW You Fully Upgrade Your Training Grounds And Are Now Able To Summon The Devil At Will

All these articles were above or on par in terms of quality with such Cool Kid classics such as The Complete Guide To Fighting Someone IRL, Buy Roachford A TV or How To Play This Game.
If you were one of the lucky few to have read these articles before they were destroyed, I could probably put them up again, they took me like five minutes searching "Blues Clues GIFs", I congratulate you on witnessing something that will never be seen again, like England winning the World Cup.

But but but Harry Kane



The Moral of The Story/Lessons Learnt

It takes 20 articles to fill the two media pages (there is no third page). Once 20 articles are reached, new articles don't show up on the two pages unless it has a higher number of votes than the lowest voted article. Thus, an organisation of, say, around twenty people could effectively completely "control" the media if every single member published an article on one day and every single member voted each other's articles, giving it at least twenty votes, enough to keep out any other articles (unless they buy votes, of course. No one gets over twenty votes on an eUK article without buying votes.) There has to be at least twenty people because you have to wait an hour before you can publish another article after your first one and that sucks.

TL😉R: an organization with at least 20 members could effectively "Media Takeover" (pending cooler name) the eUK media, if they were so very bored and the least bit organized.


Clearly, above suspicion.



Exclusive Interview

Astrid, what was it like being banned for two days?

At first, I feared that I was banned because they found my multies. I was resigned to having to give Google all my personal information including the exact size and shape of my anal sphincter in exchange for several new email accounts, so I could start over. I contemplated roleplaying as a cat this time, seeing as it seems to be all the rage, but I couldn't find any decent cat pictures on the internet, incredibly, so I went out to get one. I discovered that it costs a fair bit to buy one from the shop, and as I had already spent all my money on a Cornetto I decided to head to one of those animal shelters to see if I could pick one up for free. The staff took a dim view when I answered several questions truthfully, such as "it's staying outside, I'm not getting all that goddamn fur in my house" when they asked whether I had suitably cat-proofed my home. So I didn't get a cat. Then after much searching I found a stray on the street but it wasn't photogenic enough so I left it there. After several more hours of searching I was getting desperate so I went back to that spot and found the cat being fed by a man. Not knowing that he was the owner, I yelled at him to "bugger off" and questioned his suitability to own a cat, scoffing that he probably "never even cat-proofed his home". Later I discovered that he was homeless, and giving the cat food that he himself would have very much liked to eat. Needless to say, I was indignant. The cat was clearly fine living in outdoor conditions so I didn't see why the animal shelter staff were so hung up on my answer at the time. It was clear injustice taking place before my eyes - why was this homeless man allowed a cat in outdoor conditions but not me? Luckily, I left the scene before I was triggered.

Then I found out I wasn't being banned for multi abuse, instead just for spam and insults. I breathed a sigh of relief and satisfied my urgent need for sh*tty browser games by joining Politics & War and unsuccessfully trying to get SerFartsalot to give me his eRepublik account.



Thank you for reading and I hope all you c*nts get banned
Hail Astrid
Minister of Hail Astrid


Thanks VoodooMike for the sick screenshot