Of Love and Politics

Day 2,748, 04:51 Published in USA USA by Senryaku
I've had half of this article written for two days

There is a wonderful feeling the morning after a nice dinner (and a bit more) with the person you love, when you wake up to your partner smiling shyly at you, with breakfast prepared for you in their hands, from across the bed. A wonderful and cosy sensation engulfs your senses, and you come to be at peace with the world at hand.

I cry everytime

Or, at least, that is what I'm told by people. Actually, most everyone I know has told me about something like this happening to them, I sometimes get the feeling that they specifically target me for their sex stories because they know I'll never experience what they've experienced. I'm not sure whether to appreciate that they're sharing it with me, or be really pissed off at this point.

🙁

But little do they know that I've found an equivalent for myself in you, America. Yes, honestly, I did not expect so many votes on my last article and I attribute it entirely to the presence of a certain Swede's presence in my article. Speaking of articles, you know what I don't think you enjoy about him? His articles of clothing and so, to thank you, I'll share a secret:

I'm sorry, Chewy

Worry not, however, as I know very well that I would be remiss to write an article solely on the success of my last and especially at such an exciting time in the month, so I thank you all but now I must move forward onto reporting the truth and the facts to uphold my journalistic integrity!


err...


Right.




My dear America,

This is your time of the month, this is the lead up to the mood change that you could potentially have, this is the part of the month where you eat your comfort food and cry yourself to sleep because you JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE after marathoning the fifth season of FRIENDS for the fifth time because OBVIOUSLY you weren't going to marathon LOST again.

PotUS elections, yes. This part is if you want to hear my opinion on the world, which you obviously do. Granted, it is a bit early to be discussing the topic – but I do what I want.

Let's talk about the lizard who evolved into a 16 year old nerd who is addicted to MMOs (I love you really, Trekker)
Yes, I mean Trekker. He is most likely going to get that third term of his, though he wouldn't necessarily be my top candidate. I feel as though he hasn't done as much as he could have, and I disagree with his policies, but then I disagree with a lot of bad things that people do – or fail to do. Honestly, I can't say much more than that because I feel as though this term was just that quiet. Status quo? Sure. Beautiful, glorious, amazing change? Not exactly.
Maybe work on that foreign policy though, bro. 'Help' other countries IN AMERICUN WAY! And breathe some life into the e-world.

He has a popular cabinet, though. Let's be more specific and mention that his VP is his (at the time to writing) soon to be e-wife. Not necessarily the most unbiased choice, I feel. But hey, maybe they actually love each other. Or maybe it is all a malicious plot to solidify power and guarantee another term or two in office.


Speaking of Vps, Scolbert. That guy. The man who wanted both my innocence and my vote at the same time – a daring man (I mean, relative to Trekker) is also someone who is running for the Presidential office. I say that he is running, but as of writing he has only really taken a dump on things that Trekker has done – a very good and well-polished dump, and maybe if he had said anything at all about what he was going to do as a president, I'd want to vote for him more.


Hi, greeling.

Greeling, hello.

Greetings.

As for greeling, I'd say vote for him if you want the world to promptly come to an end in a very good way. Now just so we're clear, I'm not endorsing him!

That bribe was way too small, bro.

But what I am saying is, that I'll probably be voting for greeling, because my prediction is that Trekker will be winning this election anyway so I've got to be a cool #rebel.
Also, when we inevitably elect greeling as our CP at the brink of extinction, I can be a #hipster and say that I voted greeling before it was cool.

Vote greeling if you want to be remembered as a cool person when Emericka has five players left, but don't vote greeling if you want sanity to be present in the country for the next month or so.

Anyway, let's cut to something completely different that represents all American values,



Beautiful, just like you.