Illegal Pillow Fighting (Senior Journalist II)

Day 2,473, 09:15 • Published in Albania Albania • by mo green




Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park. The Detroit News reports that police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants. The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking Web sites. Other bouts included one on Wall Street, where hundreds pounded each other in front of the New York Stock Exchange. Michael Davis of Hamtramck, Mich., said police confiscated the 32-year-old man’s pillows but returned their cases. He said he was told that he needed a permit. Participant Scott Harris added that as far as he knows it’s “not illegal to own a pillow.” Detroit police spokesman James Tate said the issue wasn’t about the bout but the mess it would have created.

Well it’s comforting to know the people running Detroit aren’t wasting their time on a bunch of nonsense. Just because Forbes Magazine names you “America’s Most Miserable City,” your major industry is collapsing, your mayor’s been indicted, you’ve got an abandoned section of the city that’s larger than all of San Francisco, rampant crime and poverty and your football team just went 0-16. Detroit in 2009 is “Robocop” come true, except they don’t have a cop honest enough to put the hardware on. Therefore, there’s only one way to end the dystopic nightmare and bring the city back from the edge of complete collapse: Go after the pillow fighters. Get rid of those soft cushion-swingin’ troublemakers that have made the city unlivable. That’ll restore order and make Detroit safe once again. Remember, it’s all fun & games until someone loses an eye. Then you can focus on the real work of arresting guys who give their kids Mike’s Hard Lemonade by mistake at Tigers games and once again you’ll have a paradise on your hands.

PS. Just for the record, I think Pillow Fight Club is the lamest idea since the Jonas Bros. promise ring, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop it. Besides, if late night soft core cable porn has taught me anything, these things usually turn into lesbian orgies. And in times like these, that’s change Motown can believe in.



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