BREAKING NEWS: Congressman Gormley Comes out of Closet!

Day 1,407, 16:58 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by John Gormley

Yes, you read that right. Mildly popular Congressman Mister Gormley came out of the closet today after inexplicably getting trapped in it. Much like this guy...



It was a horrible ordeal for the 14-time Congressman, who didn't even have his teddy bear and favourite blankie to comfort him.
5 fire trucks were dispatched to aid the stricken politician/part-time soldier and it only took them a week to free him, with 6 days spent laughing at him. The question was raised that it was a ridiculous waste of city resources, which was briskly rebutted by the response,"What about this waste of your newspaper resources on this filler story? And sure we have nothing better to do, DO WE...???"

Upon being freed, the clearly frazzled Congressman was informed of the election results.
"Good God!", he exclaimed,"who the hell keeps voting for me?! Top of the poll two times in a row with the place falling down around me! What are these voters taking?!"

When informed that he was not off the record as he had originally thought, the veteran Congress member changed tact...
"Yeah, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank my loyal followers. I greatly appreciate their tremendous support and it's a great honour to be elected again...and if you print the last stuff I said, you are complete assholes!!!"

Mister Gormley then mounted his unicycle and cycled away, believed to be heading for the Libertad-IRE Military Unit HQ.

He is expected to resume his Congressman and military duties shortly.