A Quick Response to the President

Day 2,747, 01:02 • Published in Japan Nigeria • by Madame Yang

In the wake of the humiliating defeat at the hands of the plucky eBelgians, eJapan's president, Watan Tanka, dutifully slunk out to address his people. He could have saved himself and the entire country a whole lot of trouble simply by announcing the end of the dictatorship right then. Instead, he decided to take the time to type up a pretty big article in which he attempted some very serious damage control. It turns out that his opponents, in light of everything else, don't know how to have fun properly. The eBelgians proved themselves to be truly treacherous cowards by fighting for their country. An allusion to Belgian chocolate was made, though I think a reference to their famously sour grapes is more fitting.

To be honest, the article wouldn't be worth anyone's time had the president not referred to me by name - misspelled, but damn if he didn't manage to link to my newspaper correctly! It appears that a humble article of my own had caught his attention and struck quite a chord! Enough, at least, for him to devote an entire section of his address to refuting me. I'd like to be able to say that this part shines out from the rest of the mad, self-contradicting rant of our dear president's magnum opus, but I'm afraid it's more or less seamlessly flaccid; the same old absurdities punctuated with a few repackaged falsehoods throughout. I could very well take this opportunity to point out some of the aspersions, gaffes, and outright lies cast in my direction, but that is not what I'm going to be doing here.

For example, I will not point out that likening your opponents to the Nazis doesn't work when you're the one using ill-defined threats to establish and justify a dictatorship.

I will not point out that fully half of the ULJ are members of "Tsunami" and the fact that a couple happen to collaborate with the dictatorship does not seem to validate the claim that that particular party stands behind the government.

I will not point out that I have already made my position on foreign and domestic coups clear in a previous article and that the president's speculation on the matter is therefore quite unnecessary.

I will not point out that DNP-CtG-TLS gave up any moral high ground the second it launched it's own coup.

I will not point out that there are a significant number of citizens in eJapan who do not belong to the top five parties and that for the president to discount them is neither fair nor wise.

I will not point out that you cannot declare a dictatorship to be "defensive" with a straight face when you have overwhelming military superiority and are simultaneously claiming that only a handful of malcontents oppose you anyway.

I will not point out any such things. That is not what this article is for. The purpose of this article is really just to recognize one simple fact: the president knows who I am!



Seriously though, since I now know you're paying attention, how about you just end this mess already? The country is waiting. We're ready when you are.

~ Madame Yang