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Dear Sweet America,

Many of you will be relieved to hear President Cerb has been located and recovered. During a chance trip to a cheese doodle factory the President was taken by the munchies and fell into a large vat. Content with his situation, he remained inside the vat eating the cheesey snacks for over sixteen hours before a worker spotted him and reported Cerb to the shift supervisor.



This Administration would like to thank Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls, Ltd. for their assistance in locating our Beloved Leader, and for their generous offer of a one year supply of their products to the White House. Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls are delicious and nutritious and a great part of a balanced breakfast.



On the subject of missing presidents, Canada's president has completely disappeared! They do traditionally tend to have a hard time impeaching their presidents due to a somewhat complicated impeachment process, so for the time being there is nothing they can do.

This isn't the end of the world for the United States, since as we all know Canada is our hat, but we will greet a return to normalcy on their part. If Canada should manage to impeach their missing president (or if he should reappear) we will take steps to relocate our capital from Washington.



A new site for the capital has not been designated but it will be somewhere that provides greater strategic depth, with multiple trade routes. When the time comes, citizens will be asked to move to the designated state in order to build up its population. Once it is the most populous state in the Union we will then be able to relocate the capital.



The Irish as we all know attacked New Hampshire, taking it from Poland and bringing an end to the Polish front here in America. Since then discussions between our foreign affairs ministers have resulted in a compact to engage in a land swap between our two nations.

America will shelter Ireland here in our bosom and in return we will be provided with an Irish Iron region following the eviction of the UK from their territory. This is a great deal that will benefit both nations and provide the United States with a needed resource, increasing the value of our communes and providing a stronger, better armed force.



We ask all citizens to NOT RW any Irish held region in the United States. We do NOT want to evict the Irish from US soil. Anyone in violation of this request will have their throat slit open by Oblige, so think carefully before you act foolishly.



Today's Cabinet Member Babe comes to us from Pfeiffer. The Chancellor and Lord Protector of the Realm has a certain fondness for Iga Wyrwal, though I think I can agree with him in this regard.



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Stay classy, America,
Necros Xiaoban
White House Press Secretary