[WHPR] Day 1357 War and Diplomacy

Day 1,357, 19:35 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


Dear Sweet America,

Today we gained a great victory. Today the resistance forces of the United States of America overcame in Pennsylvania. Today we took back what is rightfully ours from the Poles.

The Poles were many, but through the endeavor of our combined militias and the eUSAF we managed to shorten them. We hacked and we slashed at the Poles, and they fell before us. With reeking tube and iron shard we beat those Poles, again and again, and when we were done, we stacked the tally of their slain up like cordwood.


Can you count the number of dead Poles here?

We were assisted in this matter by the Turks who got super pissed off at Spain and decided to go apeshit on our common enemies by liberating ONE held territories in the United States. President Cerb would like to extend his thanks to our Turkish brethren for their help.

With Pennsylvania freed we now have a route to New York and Connecticut providing us aluminum, and with it has come a 20% bonus to weapons production! While the resistance still operates in occupied territory and our forces are arrayed along the borders, we have now achieved enough control within our rightful territories to possess all our natural raw materials.

President Cerb has vowed death and destruction to the Poles and No-Good, Dirty Rotten, Pig-Stealing Double Spaniards until every state of the Union is returned to us. And then we will pay a debt of honor, a debt owed to our dead. And as we look into our enemies' eyes we'll find one thing to say... "NO QUARTER!"




In other news, the State Department and the Director of Ambassadorial Affairs, in consultation with President Cerb have chosen to end the Ambassador Program. In its stead they have created the Ambassador Program. Wait, no.. the "New Regional Advisors Program".

Instead of having an ambassador to every two bit nation of the Earth we will now take a more regional approach, with Advisors given oversight of our affairs in multiple nations. This will give them a broader picture of the world and enable them to take into consideration the ways in which nations affect their neighbors.

If you'd like to join the new Regional Directors Program apply here: http://tinyurl.com/DoSAdvisors



Also, Jerseygirldani is super delicious.

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Stay classy, America,
Necros Xiaoban
White House Press Secretary