[MI6 Report] eUSA CP

Day 3,174, 23:52 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Hail Astrid
This is a highly classified report.
Image obtained through hacking (plz no FPs, Plato)

| Citizen Name

Yui MHCP001, short for Yui Might Hoard Child Porn Zero And Zero And One. (Emphasis on the zero.)

| Citizen Age

May 22, 2010. Five years old. Believed to be roughly the same age in real life, which means he is approximately five years away from the minimum age to shoot up a school in America two years away from entering the American education system, where he will learn such wonders as spelling words like colour wrongly.

| Display Image

Confirmed to be a filthy weeaboo with a keen interest in ageplay hentai and Lolita fantasies.

Has "EZC" written in a vertical fashion on said image. Photographic evidence obtained suggests that this means Yui "enjoys zebra cum." The mind boggles; zebra cum is obviously not meant for human consumption, raising the question of whether Yui is actually some sort of zebra foal.

| Political Affiliations

Associates himself with the Federal Government Party, which are apparently those guys who comment "Proud And Horny" on everything.

The term itself is believed to have originated from the Soulja Boy song, "Superman That Hoe". On further investigation, it appears that eAmericans worship Soulja Boy as a false idol, similar to how eUKers find comfort in praying to Woldy and his benevolence every night. Most discomfortingly, Yui has been screenshotted on irc saying that "he loves Soulja" and offering to give him fellatio, describing his fantasies in graphic detail on the #suckoffsoulja irc channel. When pressed on this issue, his only response was:

"Elephants have long memories, and zebras have long tongues."

Truly chilling.

| Military Affiliations

Vice-commander of the American Civil War Militia, which consists of roleplayers who enjoy posting slogans like "Confedarcy4lyfe" and "being back slabery" in their wall feed. Occasionally another eAmerican will assume the role of the North (which, for the unlearned, won the Civil War by unleashing White Fang, basically a dog version of Batman) and post something like "Obama rulez" and "lol u guys got beaten by a dog". Pandemonium ensues, with very little quality banter being witnessed. It appears most eUS MUs are like this. TL😉R they don't even fight, unlike eUK MUs.

| Newspaper/Media Contributions

Buying votes for every article suggests that Yui is very secure in his abilities as a writer.

| Friends List

Currently totalling at around 1399 eFriends, or 0.39% of a RL girlfriend.

| Profile Description

[ed]204[/ed]

This strange code has been cracked by elite MI6 scientists like FaP and Prince Harry., but both could only conclude that this was some sort of allusion to erectile dysfunction.

CP/D of the USA


Here Yui bizarrely declares himself to be a Chiropractor/Douchebag of the USA, perhaps trying to highlight his multi-tasking abilities in cracking backs and polishing pussies.

eDaughter of BeachBunny and Trekker

Our intelligence states that this is false. Yui is a zebra foal born of a night of shame between Plato and Zulu 001, which is what I like to call zebras on zoo tycoon. Also, seriously? eDaughter? *vomits*

(Although if you're reading this, yui, and you are indeed a hot female of female persuasion, preferably having not set foot in Dundee personally or in your ancestral history, haha wyd tho)

eGod-Daughter of Sparkfyre

*vomits uncontrollably*

eBitch of Hail Astrid

We could make that RL tho HAHA 😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉;sleazymoji😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉usuallysentbyeasterneuropeanguys😉😉😉😉😉😉😉*whytho😉😉😉😉😉;

Former Vice President of the eUSA

This is like saying "Former Sufferer of Gonorrhea".

Former Dictatress of ePakistan


This is like saying "Former CEO of Herpes, Inc."

First American D2 to get the Monster Grinder skin

Personally I enjoy grinding monsters as well, preferably with lube, though, as their hard scales are terrible for the gonads.

In this case, yui is fairly normal and I congratulate yui for being so open with his fetish.

| Achievements

Questionable. Appears to be a very casual player, believed to be picking up medals by being a somewhat active player in a backwater, low-profile country like the eUSA.

| Military Strength/Decorations/Damage

60,000 strength, or about 14 RL push ups.
CBA about the rest

MI6 Verdict: Not Dangerous (Threat Level Spongebob)