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SCANDALOUS

About my newspaper

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This paper was once serious. Like the Guardian.

Then it degenerated. Think the Sun.

Finally it just became a load of bollocks. Like the Daily Mail.

14

Lets all attack Denmark and Norway

12 • Day 1,389, 10:02 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • Battle orders Battle orders

Right guys, what we'll do is we'll all get on a canoe, row over to the land of the Midgets and take over, hoping that they haven't replaced their primitive axes with proper guns. We'll pillage their towns and caves, and nick their cows before

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24

Hey Ireland...........How do you like 'em apples?

19 • Day 1,388, 14:10 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • Warfare analysis Warfare analysis

Let's all laugh at Ireland. Whilst we dine on fresh fruit from acroos the sea. Mmmmmmm...pears. Anyway, enough of the gloating. *Takes small bite out of apple, pausing for effect* Yes, Ireland are not so good when the Croats and Bulgarians are busy

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14

EXCLUSIVE: China...Tescos attack

2 • Day 1,387, 07:21 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • Warfare analysis Warfare analysis

Much like Ghengis Khan with the Mongolians, Alexander the Great with the Macedonians and Darth Vadar and the Empire, China have spread forth through Asia, using the multi-chain supermarket Tescos to influence the public into surrendering to the

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64

Plato unleashes new weapon

13 • Day 1,386, 11:18 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • First steps in eRepublik First steps in eRepublik

After the success of the bazooka...pfft...Plato has today unveiled the newest weapon. A nuke, or nuclear bomb to all you more civilised types. Yes. After you've collected the 7,462 parts necessary for assembly, you unleash it on the battlefield. It

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6

I wish Alex Salmond played eRepublik...

5 • Day 1,385, 13:00 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • Political debates and analysis Political debates and analysis

If only someone like Salmond played eRepublik, we'd all be rolling in wealth and would have conquered the world. Yes, people. That is why I liked jamesw. He had real ambition. We even attacked Canada. To be brutally honest, we had balls of steel.

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