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Why I'll be voting for the Cap'n (and not just because of my future position)

Day 1,898, 10:50 by Prof. J Moriarty

Look up from your armchair by the mantlepiece, take off your reading spectacles and place the pipe into your mouth. Shift the newspaper (I hope it's this one) onto the neighboring coffee table, shuffle over to the window and feast your eyes one the world outside.

Yes it may shock you. It may even horrify you. You may even feel compelled to commit suicide. But avert your eyes back to your living room. Yes, that rug was looted by the Nazi's, but it's a nice rug. And Captain ChazBeard won't take it off you. The others might, may even ransack the rest of your house, taking apart your plasma TV or looting your washing up machine. Think of the mess; you'll be cleaning it up for days.

Now you go over and read the newspaper. Its the latest edition of Scandalous, the one that asked you for your brief sojourn to the window. What's it talking about? Well, seems that the current CP is an alien ant, and thats not the only thing. You turn on your television set and the Spamican news informs you that Alfagrem hates triangles. Oh the humanity.

Well, what do you want to change? Has it been your life-long ambition to live in a region renamed after Phil Collins? Well, ChazBeard will deliver. The others? You can kiss your immigrant cleaner's ass they will. ChazBeard is what this country wants, what it needs, and that is why I will be voting for him.

And with the Captain's election, you will be granted with one big present. For I, Professor of Forum Games and Lord Protectorate of the Sandwich Isles J Moriarty, will be reprising my role as Minister of Home Affairs. It was this exact time last year that I was appointed to be the Under-Minister of the Red versus Blue game, and it was very highly well run. I would like also to express that I was in no part an element in the finale, and that that was entirely jamesw's fault.

The following month, that man made me Minister of Home Affairs alongside Betafoxtrot. Although Beta was in charge of the more admin side and informative element of it, I played a role in bringing fun back into the community, including the hosting of many PMQ's.

At that time, I also considered running for CP with my running mate Sanic the Hedgehog, however we did not secure the backing that we needed. And that is why I was so excited to once again be part of a campaign team, and future cabinet.

I will also be creating a new role, one that is for a national Poet Laureate. I will be playing this for the first month, every comment on a newspaper acting as an ode, even some articles recreating recent events.

Also, I will be playing this role (poet Laureate) if the beautiful Butjam is elected, and I hold nothing against this fine candidate.

Also, RFeist is a liar. I was in his squadron when we fought over Iwo Jima and he is not the respectable person he most claims to be.


THIS WAS A POLITICAL BROADCAST FROM THE SCANDALOUS TEAM< IN SUPPORT FOR CAPTAIN CHAZBEARD.

Remember, vote ChazBeard. I know I will be.

 

Comments

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,898, 10:51

No images today, cause of serious.

Mr Woldy
Mr Woldy Day 1,898, 10:56

y so srs

CptChazbeard
CptChazbeard Day 1,898, 11:10

Your rugs are safe with me! o/

Invalidation
Invalidation Day 1,898, 11:20

Are shagpiles also safe?

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,898, 11:24

I would believe so.

Horice G Fossil
Horice G Fossil Day 1,898, 13:00

o/

Horice

mwcerberus
mwcerberus Day 1,898, 15:47

word on the street is r.Feist has a thing about squares
so everyone get off your chairs
and on the 5th that fateful day
you must vote and have your say
vote for the man with the sexy beard
and all of eUK will rejoice and cheer(d)
i'll leave the poetry to you, Chaz4CP

Asid250
Asid250 Day 1,899, 10:04

Not as good as it used to be in the past.

Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,899, 12:07

Thats cause serious election time Asid250

 
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