WHPR [Day 1,011] - A Setback, ESR, and Elections

Day 1,011, 20:13 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
Sucks

Let’s be honest, it does. We lost the battle for Far Western Alaska. There are numerous people claiming numerous reasons as to why we lost. I won’t delve into those. That’s not my place. However, I do know who to blame. Clearly we were all too distracted by her return to properly fight. That seems like a pretty good reason to me.

Thank you to those who did turn out to fight for us, both from the United States and our allies. Just remember it isn’t over. We won’t give up the fight (obviously). Plus, if we didn’t lose every once in a while, what else would we attack?

Not to make excuses for ourselves, but many of us simply could not show up. It’s not the case of “set your alarm for 1:00 am, groan and get out of bed to fight”. In this case, I literally couldn’t show up if I wanted to. I was learning about Chinese bureaucracy (clearly the reason eChina is doing so well, I’m sure) and couldn’t have fought. That’s one of the tactics of V2 and we’re adjusting to it.

Eastern Siberia

Eastern Siberia is currently under attack in much the same way as Far Western Alaska was. If you wish, I suggest helping out our Chinese allies by following instructions here. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.

Eastern Siberia is just as important as Far Western Alaska. It possesses high Titanium, a resource Phoenix is severely lacking after the Russian invasion. After the loss in the resistance war today, Phoenix gained one of the valuable regions back. We want to deny them another one. Make them feel the sweet tang of rejection, like a nerdy boy asking Heather Imerson to prom and getting slapped.

(Secretary’s note: I have no idea who Heather Imerson is. I just made her up. Picture as the Zooey Deschanel of your high school. Face it, the nerdy boy doesn’t stand a chance.)

Foreign Congressional Elections

A quick update for Americans. Most of our allies were successfully protected during this election cycle. Unfortunately South Africa and Australia remain under PTO. As one of my predecessors once said, it’s hard to fight against mechanically precise voting tactics.

I urge everyone to follow Rod Damon’s orders during the upcoming election cycle to help keep America and it’s allies safe.

Presidential Elections

I’m clueless about what’s going on right now. Surprisingly enough, being Secretary of Media doesn’t leave you with much time to actually read the media. I want to let America know that presidential campaigns have begun.

I’m not saying that you need to choose who you are voting for now. In fact, you shouldn’t. I’m sure some candidates haven’t even announced their intention to run. However, what it does mean is that you should be looking around the media and the forums. You should find the people who are running and read their platforms.

Don’t worry your little head America, I’m not running. I’m afraid the subsequent win of a Krems administration followed by my own would be simply too much for even America to handle. Also, I would suck as president.

Links, oh my:
• The President’s Newspaper – Why won’t he love me?
• The Vice President’s Newspaper – His avatar makes him look strong. Therefore, in real life he can bench 280 pounds. Fact.
• The Pony Express – Tradition (not of the HR variety).
• Department of Defense Orders – If you don’t listen to these, I hate you.

Don’t hate me,

Kentel
Secretary of Media