White House Press Release #119: Move to Florida Immediately

Day 976, 18:44 Published in USA USA by James S. Brady Press Room

There’s no easy way to say it, California has been lost and our country is under further attack. We need to fall back to the safety of Florida. The government is asking all living citizens to move to Florida immediately.

California has been captured. Many of you are still in California, which means you’re living in Russia. We need to fix that as soon as possible. Citizens are instructed to move out of California and back to Florida in the United States.

You will not be able to make this move directly. If you are stuck in California, you will need to move first to Mexico and then to Florida, in the United States. It will take two one zone Moving Tickets to do this. If you are unable to afford the tickets, contact Flying Unicorn Squadron for assistance. If you are able to afford tickets, we ask that you provide them for yourselves.

These are trying times, but we will prevail. Stay tuned for future important updates. Vote this up and subscribe to and keep checking the Pony Express. We need to exercise control over our media.

‘Til next time, America,

David Landon
Secretary of Media

Gulden Draak
Deputy Secretary of Media

HobbitTon
White House Staff Writer

Kentel
White House Staff Writer