White House Press Release #113: Epic Battle in Liaoning

Day 938, 23:12 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
Americans, China has launched a battle that requires our special attention. All citizens are asked to move in to Beijing and fight against Serbia in order to capture Liaoning back to it’s original owners. The importance of the battle is critical.

The government provides free tickets and weapons to citizens via Sabers for Serbs-program. Take this to your advantage and make America proud. Our Chinese friends and allies are on the verge of total liberation of their nation, we must do everything we can to help them.

Three steps to change the Worl😛

Request moving tickets and guns here
Move to Beijing
FIGHT HERE



As the great American prophet John Phillips said, “I’d be safe and warm if I was in LA.”* This Summer, California is the place to be. If you live in Karnataka, you are asked to make the move to California. India would like Karnataka back, and like the loving friends we are, we begin the evacuation process today. This is the next step in a detailed plan drawn up by the administration. We have already been directing new citizens to move to California instead of Karnataka. The next step is the mass-migration of active citizens from Karnataka.



I’m sure many of you are left with questions about the process, the plan, or just the decisions made in general. With that in mind, the administration is proud to announce the first White House Press Corps press conference. At 18:30 server time on Thursday the 17th, the Secretary of Media and a senior administration official will be made available to answer questions from press corps members. The public is welcome to attend. The inagural press conference will be held on the 17th at 18:30 on IRC in #eus-media.



Want to join the nation’s finest? U.S Armed Forces are actively seeking for new recruits and Training Corps is the right place for you to start your military career. Clicking the underlying poster will take you straight to the enlisting form. With V2 coming out, your experience will be greatly improved by being a part of an organized fighting force. Sign up today!





With all the giving and love floating around these days, it’s easy to let a story fall through the cracks. But no story of love escapes the attention of the White House. Matthew Smith the Awesomeness and Fionia are finally going to get together. There might be a ceremony on Sunday. Perhaps. The administration encourages you to send your well-wishes their way.


‘Til Next Time America,

David Landon
Secretary of Media

Gulden Draak
Deputy Secretary of Media

Sossu
Deputy Secretary of Media

*Living in LA is not required. As long as you're in California, you're good with us.