White House Press Release #106: Victory

Day 912, 20:26 Published in USA USA by James S. Brady Press Room

Many of you have seen the troll article released by Ostin that quickly rose to number one in the top five. Our media is still no match for the organized trolling efforts of Phoenix when they’re at their peak of organization. It is a long term goal to have enough votes in the top five to make it more difficult to do what they’ve done. Still, there is little we can do about it now. Until then, we can look at the article and smile.

The article I’m referring to came out with enthusiastic (but sadly misguided) confidence. Ostin provided a long list of battles and declared that EDEN was going down. The strategy, it seems, was to open as many battles as possible with the hope of winning one of them. With a spread that thin, surely they would be able to do this. All they really needed to troll us would be one out of eleven battles won.

Nope. Coordinated allied efforts came through, and Phoenix lost every one of their battles while spending an estimated 15,000 gold. Whoops.


An artist’s conception of a Phoenix commander after seeing the battle results

While there is a lot of controversy going on right now surrounding different branches of our government I would like to applaud all Americans in the effort we showed. Thwarting all of the attacks that we faced yesterday takes serious coordination. This is the kind of coordination we should strive for all the time.

‘Til next time, America,

David Landon
Secretary of the Media

Gulden Draak
White House Press Secretary