Where we’re going, we don’t need kings

Day 2,778, 22:19 • Published in Canada Canada • by Azarius Theron

eCanada appears to be stuck in a rather bad position on the map of the New World, in part due to North America’s distance from the real source of action in eUrope (eEurope? dunno), another part due to eCanada’s enthusiasm for making allies and maintaining MPPs (you guys would rock at a game like Diplomacy), one-fifth due to the complicated nature of a successful Airstrike, and 3/4s due the fact nobody is ponying up their or their mother’s credit card for a totally awesome all-expense paid round trip of non-stop summer wars!

Obviously, the AS is the best option out there for getting some war, keeping relations, and flexing a credit card or two, and it would be wholly wise to pursue it at this juncture. Nevertheless, in the odd chance that the landing doesn’t go as planned, why not consider some other alternative to keep eCanada from sliding back into those muggy doldrums in the dog days summer.


Ready?

The simple solution for pumping the juice back into eCanada would be to fight a war unlike any it’s had to deal with before. I’m not talking your run of the millitary invasion and wipe, but a serious foreign Dictator coup that really gets eCanada shitting bricks and playing hard as a team together. The good news about this avenue of war (a war for the sake of not letting someone take away what little fun you have) is that it can be done rather easily and likely is already underway as you read this short list below.


Get set! (at least doggy got those pawns are in order)


1. Advertise a failed Airstrike attempt. If things don't go as planned with the AS, complain about about it a lot in the media and say how many resources were wasted. This alone may persuade a foreign MU that eCanada is not only low on funds after investing heavily for the AS, but also may not be coordinated to ward off a coup.


2. Start publishing your recent election results. Making this more apparent may convince a wanna-be Dictator that eCanada’s dismal showing in the Congress election points towards a weakened political environment ripe for the picking.


3. Post reminders about eCanada’s history of wipes and civil unrest. Showcasing why eCanada was a country often divided and infrequently conquered will entice the hesitant future Dictator to take a shot at rolling some dice where the odds look to be in his or her favour.


4. Keep your media dead. Since there’s been a flurry of media activity after dropping down to just 1 article earlier this morning, publishing this piece does matter in the sudden deluge of 5 articles!!! (that’s one for each top 5 spot, which this one has no chance of reaching ofc). In the eNglish(eEnglish?) media scene, only New eZealand is keeping ahead of eCanada’s clean slate policy. With chances being that the next ruler won’t be much interested in using the English language, having less of it used will suit him or her just fine.


5. Piss off and/or confuse allies in your quest for war at all costs. Friends will probably fight for you to block a coup, so having less of them will hasten a future take-over. It’s usually easier to pick on the loner with tourettes-like gameplay, so you gotta play the part of good Dictator bait to win that prize. I think you can pull this part off sooner or later.


....but here’s the big downside of going all-in for a foreign Dictator:

• Fighting in military coup campaigns or revolutions won’t count towards True patriot, Mercenary or Freedom fighter medals.
source: http://wiki.erepublik.com/index.php/Dictatorship

The second biggest reason why people are calling for war besides breaking the boredom is to get TP medals. This is the one stumbling block in this plan that I don’t yet have a solution for, since it means people would have to give up TP medals for the thrill of fighting off a PTO oppressor. I agree it’s a hard sell compared to the great excitement of TP medals gained through a lengthy wipe of ‘war at any cost.’

On your mercs!
I know it sounds impossible that eCanada could attract a political oppressor who could liven things up around here. But the great thing about it is that it doesn’t have to follow the messy rules of AS or restrictions of being surrounded on all sides by allies tied up with those precious MPPs. It can just happen in flash (and with a little preparation listed above in 1-5).


When Usain Bolt reached 88 mph in 2009, he not only rewrote the laws of physics, but the rules of Chess, too. Great news: Plato’s fickle mechanics are even more pliable!

Yes, it’s that possible, eCanada. These days you don’t even need your own kings to overthrow boredom and start again having fun. Please consider this humble proposal.

Now start your engines!