What I've Been Up To For The Past Week

Day 2,042, 16:24 • Published in USA USA • by Derphoof


Yeah, that’s an accurate description of what I’ve been up to. So when I saw that our map looked like this:



I was all like, “OMG AMERICA HAS TURNED INTO A SUPER AWESOME RAINBOW LAND. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER.”

I looked outside my window, and when I saw this:



I was all like, “OH HOLY F#*K IT’S TRUE. AMERICA = RAINBOWS.”

However, as I ran out of crack, I soon realized that America was not a super awesome land of rainbows. Instead, much to my disappointment, it happens to be a collection of nations that have decided to penetrate our borders (anus) with all their might (probably because we’re incredibly sexy).

Upon seeing this, I was all like... “Damn. We should probably do something about that. Oh, and maybe clean up some of Europe while we’re at it.”

So, I am calling for all Americans to ready their weapons.

I demand blood. We must kill, maim, and burn all of the trrbl invaders. In fact, why are you reading this article when you could be in the thick of slaughter? We must herd the pig-disgusting invaders to their most splendid massacre. They will become sacrifice to the glory of America.

We will wring every drop of their precious blood from their broken bodies until we have chased them all from our lands.

Their satisfyingly pathetic cries will reach your ears, and you will take pleasure in them, inflicting pain and destruction upon their armies. Glorious carnage will engulf the battlefield as our rage consumes them.

They will become but gnats before us.

So, rally the forces



The Resistance Starts Now