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We Need a Good Laugh
I know things are getting hectic and tempers are being tried, but I think we are taking things a bit too seriously. We should just stand back for a second, catch our breaths, and laugh it up.
From here on in, my articles will include jokes. Feel free to laugh at them, or not. If you have a good joke and want to see it published, send me a PM. I'm thinking about posting a list of jokes for each day. That way, everyone can get their funny on.
So lets get the ball rolling with some of my favorites:
-A wooden galleon was sailing across the sea. From the crow's nest, someone shouts, "Captain, there's an enemy ship on the horizon!" The captain barks out orders, and to his first mate, he says, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate is confused by the statement, but goes for the shirt. The battle ensues, and they come out victorious without losing a man. That night, the first mate asks, "Captain, why did you tell me to get you your red shirt?" The captain replied, "That is so if I get shot, my men will not see me bleed and be disheartened." The next morning, the captain here's from the crow's nest, "20 ships on the horizon!" The captain looks straight at his first mate, and barks, "BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!"
-A magician works on this cruise ship, and every night the captain of the ship goes to watch his show. Now, the captain owns this parrot who has seen the show several times (because, for some reason, the captain brings the parrot), so whenever the magician does something, the parrot ruins the trick, such as, "The card's in his sleeve *braaawk*!!!" A few days pass and every night the same thing occurs. The magician snaps one night, pulls out a pistol and shoots the bird. The bird flies away and the bullet hits a gas canister, causing the entire ship to explode. The only survivors are the magician, floating on a door, and the parrot, which, after looking around, says to the magician, "Alright, I give up, where's the dang ship?"
From here on in, my articles will include jokes. Feel free to laugh at them, or not. If you have a good joke and want to see it published, send me a PM. I'm thinking about posting a list of jokes for each day. That way, everyone can get their funny on.
So lets get the ball rolling with some of my favorites:
-A wooden galleon was sailing across the sea. From the crow's nest, someone shouts, "Captain, there's an enemy ship on the horizon!" The captain barks out orders, and to his first mate, he says, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate is confused by the statement, but goes for the shirt. The battle ensues, and they come out victorious without losing a man. That night, the first mate asks, "Captain, why did you tell me to get you your red shirt?" The captain replied, "That is so if I get shot, my men will not see me bleed and be disheartened." The next morning, the captain here's from the crow's nest, "20 ships on the horizon!" The captain looks straight at his first mate, and barks, "BRING ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!"
-A magician works on this cruise ship, and every night the captain of the ship goes to watch his show. Now, the captain owns this parrot who has seen the show several times (because, for some reason, the captain brings the parrot), so whenever the magician does something, the parrot ruins the trick, such as, "The card's in his sleeve *braaawk*!!!" A few days pass and every night the same thing occurs. The magician snaps one night, pulls out a pistol and shoots the bird. The bird flies away and the bullet hits a gas canister, causing the entire ship to explode. The only survivors are the magician, floating on a door, and the parrot, which, after looking around, says to the magician, "Alright, I give up, where's the dang ship?"
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Bring back the lolz! Do it for the children!
Haha! Bring me my brown pants!
the second one had me giggling
though usually if I'm looking for laughs I go read deadpool
Nice idea, the jokes - original but not too funny.
Well, if you have some jokes that can give israelis the lawls, send me a PM. I'll be doing this daily, so send your jokes my way.
Thanks for the laugh Robbie.
A sure way to boost morale is to show off some Israeli gun porn (which is, in actuality, attractive Israeli female soldiers firing or handling their rifles). As a former American soldier (IRL), I can tell you with certainty that nothing quite gets the mind off troubles like a poster of a fully geared and fiercely beautiful heroine blasting away with red hot accuracy.
...I'll stick with the jokes.
Humor is definitely something we need now.
This one is pretty dumb, but it has been stuck in my head for years thanks to my college roomate:
A duck walks into a hardware store. After looking around for a bit he walks up the clerk and asks "Got any grapes?". The clerk, somewhat confused, replies "No, this is a hardware store". The duck leaves. The next day the same thing happens. The duck walks up to the clerk and asks "Got any grapes?". The clerk, a little annoyed, replies "I told you no, this is a hardware store". The duck leaves. The third day the duck comes in again. The clerk watches him for awhile, until the duck comes up and once again asks "Got any grapes?". The Clerk is pretty mad and replies back "I told you no! This is a hardware store. If you come in here and ask for grapes again I am going to staple your bill shut! Now get out!" The duck leaves. The very next day the duck comes in. The clerk watches angrily watches him. The duck looks around for a bit, then comes up to the clerk. The clerk is pretty mad and shouts "What do you want?" The ducks asks "Got any staples?" The clerk, pretty surprised, replies "Actually no, I just sold our last bunch today." The duck looks around, then directly at the clerk and says "Got any grapes?".
Can I vote this twice?
@Robbie
You're no fun.
Pin up girls keep countries together.
lol hey, what about girls?
i don't like your porn... >_>
nice idea btw.
@ Xeno: The only pin-up girl I need is Bar.