The Bland Man's Muse

The Weekly Muse

It has been quite some time since I've written an article, due to pure laziness. However, certain recent events have prompted me to build up the motivation to throw something up. It seems that our media has been stuffed full of anti-eUK sentiment, so I thought I'd fight the other corner.


Yankee Doodle Goes Home

Well, it looks as if the poorly planned EDEN invasion of this island at an end. I guess they decided we are more trouble than we're actually worth. Or perhaps they just realised that this war would not have ended for quite some time, and the sheer amount of gold that would have been needed was just far too much for whatever gain they might get. As I type this, EDEN forces are currently relinquishing their holdings after a six week long invasion, in which the entirety of the eUK, and her allies abroad, took up arms and fended them off with relative success.

The threats of us being taken off the map within a few days proved to be hollow. The prospect of "London Bridge falling down" turned out to be false. After six gruelling weeks of us being the perpetual thorn in EDEN's side, they have decided to give up the fight and call it a day. This is nothing short of a massive victory for us, against immeasurable odds. Their prime objective was to wipe us off the map in the pursuit of revenge. They have failed in this endeavour. Let me say that again, and with more clout. They failed. Their one and only aim was to utterly destroy us, and they could not.

This is our victory, and anything said to the contrary is either EDEN lies or simply misinformed fools who don't pay attention.


Blandman moves in to liberate occupied lands


What a Twist!

So, as was touched upon above, we will be regaining our home lands. How was this achieved? Through a simple peace treaty with the six nations invading. This came as a shock to many, including myself, and has caused much outrage both home and away. At first, I was one of the many gathering mob of disgruntled fighters. I couldn't understand. "We had the initiative, we were fighting back, we had plenty of allies to back us up. We could have won!" People seem to forget that there were six, SIX, hostile nations surrounding us, most of which had yet to get stuck in properly. This means that, as soon as we made any significant progress against the enemy's force, they would have blocked us, and most likely pushed all the way back to London again. It would have become a massive war of attrition, in which nobody would get anywhere for an extremely long time. Having allies does not stop the enemy's ability to block unfortunately.

Then there is this idea that we are surrendering. If that were the fact, you'd think EDEN would keep some regions, and not be pulling out completely as they are. It is also worth noting that this treaty was offered previously, before the Battle of London, when EDEN still felt that they could crush us entirely at last. However, after spending a considerable amount to attack, then tank, and still lose, they woke-up I suppose. I can't speak for EDEN command, but they were obviously strained for supplies if they agreed to this. Remember, they came here to destroy us, and gain boasting rights for many months. They did not achieve this. We are still here. That is, quite simply put, a mission failed for them. They set out what their goal was before invading, and they could not achieve it. This was a treaty offered by us, on our terms and they capitulated to it.

Next is the outcry from the hoard of ill-informed foreign friends, who would prefer to damn us sooner than give us a chance to explain. It is as if they were simply waiting for any excuse to tear into us. Thanks for the vote of confidence guys. If you truly feel that bad about it, then I suggest you take it up with Phoenix HQ, who understood and agreed to this treaty. As did the stand-in leader of France, and the leader of Germany. Oh, what's that? This is something that the whole alliance agreed on? Why yes, yes I believe it is. I guess we can't really betray people who agree with us. But then, most people probably would not know that, because they are letting certain things cloud their judgement. But, that's okay, we forgive you.

And lastly is this notion that we're somehow abandoning France and Germany. I'm sorry, could you point out that part in the treaty? You can't? Well, that's probably because it isn't in there. I'm surprised you didn't noticed that. Nowhere does it say that we'll stop fighting to free them, nor will we. You are making baseless claims, and nothing more. We were there to defend Germany when it was invaded. We were the ones who gave France the chance to regain six regions. Hell, we were there to defend HelloKitty. Don't you dare to say we are turning our backs on anybody. Because, last I checked, we are still in Phoenix.

So, please kindly get out of our media and read up on some information before you come back and spout nonsense. At least then you'd have a better idea of what's actually going on.

A new Monarch? Madness!

Madness? This. Is. No, stop right there. That joke was rubbish when it came out, and still is. Right, it seems that in amongst all this turmoil and upheaval, that the MoHA has decided to grant us the opportunity to vote for a new King or Queen (though, I don't exactly know why people are being allowed to vote for a monarchy). There are about ten choices in all I believe. Some of which who should definitely be there, and others who simply shouldn't. Then there are those who have not been included, but should have been (Sean Bean!)

Now, there can only be one clear choice in this entire thing. He is a great man who has achieved many things. He has stolen a large amount of gold using just three Mini Coopers and his wits. He has fended off the Zulus again and again. He has fought over the skies of Britain, and on the ground in Europe. And, more recently, he has assisted a crazy hero in Gotham. I am, of course, talking about Michael Caine.


The Muppets agree: Michael Caine for King! All Hail Sir Caine

He is the clear choice, and though there is good competition from both John Cleese and Rowan Atkinson, he wins over them hands down. So, get on with voting right now! The eUK needs Michael Caine!

Serbian Iron Corp

Well, it seems that after much plotting and scheming (and waiting), Phoenix have shifted one of its most powerful members to its place in Asia. This also means that the alliance now has one iron region back after the eUS intervention in Asia. That means that Phoenix have been put into a stronger place of power, at the cost of EDEN's. I must wonder what difference this will make to the e-World as a whole. Will power start to shift back to Phoenix? Will Serbia become a monstrous power to contend with? (One which I'm glad we're not on the wrong side of.) If nothing else, it certainly undoes all that effort and gold EDEN spent to snatch the region away. That can only be a good thing in my eyes.

Still, might this prompt a similar venture in the future? Can Serbia keep hold of it if put under similar pressure? EDEN aren't fools. They are a strong and powerful enemy, as they have shown many times before. I would not be surprised if they try to pull something.

Across the Channel

Well, things still look rather grim across the way, though this should not be a surprise seems it has been that way for many weeks now. And, with the onset of this treaty, and the subsequent fallout, what does the future hold for our occupied friends across the way? I have no doubt that the eUK will continue its efforts, along with the rest of Phoenix, as we have been doing for a long time now (regardless of what some people may claim). But, I have no idea what the plans are entirely. Nor do I know why it should all be up to us, a relatively weak country. How are we supposed to fend off the likes of ePoland, eSpain and eUSA? The first, third and fourth largest countries respectively. Why is it up to us?

Phoenix seems to have no problem region swapping all the way to Asia. I'm sure a similar thing could be arranged in Europe, to put a much larger force in a suitable attacking position. It doesn't have to be up to us, nor should it be. If anything, we should be blocking the enemy while someone attacks from elsewhere. Besides, there's always some crazy plan that Phoenix HQ are concocting.I'm sure they're already two or three steps ahead of me.

Our friends will be freed. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But, they will be. And we will be there to help. As we always have been. As we always will be. Don't ever doubt that.


Shameless Plug Section

Ah, here we are. The part where I tell you what to do. And I do so enjoy it. Really, if I could make an entire article of me just bossing you about, I'd be quite happy. But I'm not quite good enough at dragging things out like that. Not yet anyway. Right, here we are.

The forums. Really, if you aren't on them already then you're doing it wrong to be quite frank. It is an essential place full of important information and quite a few good chaps (but not Shadow). You can mingle with people from your region, people from the Navy, those in congress, or those in your Political Party.

http://forums.erepublik.co.uk

The British Empire Party. Talking of Politicial Parties, contrary to my bland (and therefore generally unbiased) nature, I have indeed chosen a party with which to call home. That being the BEP. We have just come under the new leadership of Lemuel Gengulfus. A rather nice fellow who promises to bring much change and a new aspect to the party as a whole. Be sure to keep up with the newspaper that is written for the party, and see if it's the right place for you.

And of course, the Navy! Where would we be without those handsome lot? Nowhere, that's where! In the Navy you can find a good community full of like minded people, with an extremely active member base and lively IRC channels. This comes with the added bonus of free weapons for fighting with, which will help with ranking-up faster. It also provides excellent organisation, and clear orders, so that you'll know exactly where to fight!



Wrapping-Up

Well, this certainly has been a fun and action packed last few days. Days that I'm sure will go down in eHistory. For better, or for worse, I can't really say. But, at least we proved the Emericans wrong. And that's always a good thing. Right, anyway, I must go and prepare myself for any angry trolls who may come my way soon due to this. Bring it.

Still thanking Wolfhorde for the snazzy banner!

Till next time.

Your Resident bland man,



Blandman