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A spectre is haunting Ireland — the spectre of the Waffle. All the powers of old Ireland have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: IPP and IFP, Dan Breen and Ronisu, Croats Radicals and Turkish police-spies.

Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as Waffle-istic by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Waffle-ing, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact:

I. The Waffle is already acknowledged by all European powers to be itself a power.

II. It is high time that Waffle-ers should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the Spectre of the Waffle with a manifesto of the party itself.

To this end, Waffle-ists of various nationalities have assembled in Dublin and sketched the following manifesto, to be published in the English, French, German, Italian, Flemish and Danish languages.



The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of breakfast struggles.

Eggs and bacon, pancakes and syrup, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes.

Our epoch, the epoch of the Broccoli, possesses, however, this distinct feature: it has simplified class antagonisms. Society as a whole is more and more splitting up into two great hostile camps, into two great classes directly facing each other — Broccoli and Waffles.

Thus, it is time for the Waffle-ers to rise under the Waffle’s flag, to unite together to fight off and break the Broccoli’s domination. The weapons: Waffles, Maple Syrup and Bacon. Under the guidance of these, the people in arms shall unite under the dictatorship of the Waffles and break all that remains of the old regime.



This is the first measures the Waffles shall accomplish:

1. Abolition of property in land and application of all rents of land to breakfast food storage purposes.
2. A heavy progressive or graduated income tax on all breakfasts.
3. Abolition of all rights of inheritance over sausages, scones and other food.
4. Confiscation of the bacon of all emigrants and rebels.
5. Centralisation of bacon in the hands of the state, by means of a national bank with State capital and an exclusive monopoly.
6. Centralisation of the means of communication and transport in the hands of the State so facilitate the syrup transfer to every waffles.
7. Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the State; the bringing into cultivation of waste-lands, and the improvement of the soil generally in accordance with a common plan to ensure unlimited waffle, bacon and syrup supplies.
8. Equal liability of all to work. Establishment of industrial armies, especially for agriculture, to ensure enough wheat for waffle production.
9. Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries; gradual abolition of all the distinction between town and country by a more equable distribution of the populace over the country, so we can pour syrup all over fertile land.
10. Free education for all children in public schools. Abolition of children’s factory labour in its present form. Combination of education with industrial production, &c, &c.



In the upcoming weeks, watch for the Waffle, the Syrup and the Bacon, under the moonlight they shall unite. In the land of eEire, all the Waffle-ers shall be freed from the shackles of domination. And from then, we shall all have plenty of Waffles, plenty of Syrup and plenty of Bacon. No, nay, never no more shall we suffer from famine, we shall no longer fear the injustices of the Broccoli’s capitalism and the Waffle’s holy light shall engulf us into eternal happiness.

Waffle-ers of all countries, Unite!


Signed on day 1716 by

Syrup
Waffle
Bacon
Toast