The Belated Beginning

Day 1,265, 13:28 • Published in Belgium Belgium • by M.Leviathin



Oh, Belgium. Belgium Belgium Belgium. You knew this was going to happen eventually. All those days of anxiously anticipating the arrival of this moment are finally beginning to pay off. I can hear your heart begin to increase in pace. The beads of sweat dripping off your forehead as you decide on whether to run away or fight to the bitter end. Yes. The fifth of May has finally passed and with it comes a new month for presidential candidates to announce their campaign for the chance to rule over Belgium. One hussy in particular has already announced his campaign for the presidency. How cute. I can only smirk as I hear him spout his hopes and ambitions for what he believes will bring Belgium into greatness. I can only imagine that the rest of you are taking lead in mocking his feeble attempt into such an acclaimed position in this country.

It’s all right to laugh. Everyone is doing it. Don’t you want to be popular? I thought so.

Anyway, my lovely followers, I’m most certainly sure that you are completely aware of my candidacy for the Presidency of Belgium. For those of you who aren’t aware of my little escapade into the government, I hope you feel shame. I’ll give you a little while to soak it in. Yeah, just breathe in the fumes of your ignorance and/or not having been around when I made this article. Honestly, I think I’m being pretty generous with the lot of you. No, not you my sexy and in-shape followers. You’re doing fantastic. However, I am in complete shock that the rest of the population (a very tiny and insignificant bunch) didn’t put in the effort to keep track of my every movement.

Nevertheless, I imagine some on both sides will be asking themselves “Why should we elect this guy?” Good question, poor person! Well, it all started when I first migrated to this country. As I exited the crate I had stowed away into to avoid having to pay to come here, my first thoughts of this country were spot-on. “IT SURE IS NEUTRAL AND IRRELEVANT IN HERE”, I casually thought to myself as I took notice of the small population and the god awful media that was filled with EDEN and Phoenix propaganda. I almost immediately, after witnessing what I believe was a human-pig hybrid, started looking for another ship to stow away in to find a more pleasing country to begin my life anew. Perhaps Ethiopia or Antarctica. Unfortunately for me, I remembered that the corporation I worked for had me on contract. Already in debt for my many embezzling schemes, I decided it would be better not to chance fate and just deal with living in such a bland country.

Months went by and I eventually started to integrate myself into the local community. I would converse with the natives. I would assist the homeless find new places to scavenge around. I would also, if I had nothing else to do, work part-time as a floozy to help keep the atmosphere in this country happy and well done. I thought to myself that I could probably go on living like this forever without a care in the world. Well, I did until I caught sight of this horrendous, revolting, most offensive piece of writing that I have ever had the unfortunate experience of reading in my lifetime.

No. Absolutely not. This… this insult to all that is good in the world cannot be allowed to become true. It was around then that I started to formulate a plan to help the country avoid what will be a one-hundred percent catastrophic end to all that the citizens of Belgium had built up over the months. And then torn down. And then built up again. However, this candidate had proposed that the first priority for everyone in this country was to help create a stable state so that we may be able to move onto more pressing matters. A more stable state?! What the hell is he thinking?! The chaotic, inefficient, and overall incompetent government structure is what separates Belgium from other disturbingly similar small countries in the New World. Right then I promised to devote my time during May 8th-June 5th to keep the Belgium I grew up to love in existence.

Join me, my gorgeous supporters, in defending the homeland from the iron grip of this madman! Put on your Belgian flag wife-beaters and find people whose political opinions differ and beat them until they understand the glory of our magnificent nation!

Мне нужно практиковаться в русском.

Dio bless the Tsar. | M.Leviathin for President June 2011