Neutrality you say? The art of being a weasel.

Day 840, 06:47 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Spite313

Don’t like left or right wing politics? Or just don’t understand what they are? Well don’t worry. There is always the radical centre! If you think that left wingers are all like this:
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And that right wingers are all like this:
http://johnault.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/mussolini2.jpg" height="”135”" width="”96”">

Then you’re actually a misinformed bigot, welcome to the centre ground!



You know what I really like about being neutral? Not having to make any decisions. Cos, you know, that’s quite hard. When you have the wit to join a party on the left or right and propose new ideas, you sometimes have to make compromises to achieve great things. Why bother with that when you can coast along in mindless mediocrity in the centre-ground? Admittedly, I don’t think the left and right are that different (mainly because economics escapes me, I’m mainly good at finding pictures of sweets and stealing other people’s articles). Left and right are basically the same (except of course different to us, because we’re err...in the middle. Oh wait...). Never mind. Ignore this paragraph.

Oh yeah- big point here. When you’re in an actual party (as opposed to a loose gathering of rejects) you need to have policies. To try and get those policies through you need to brainstorm together as a group and then all back the finished product. This is called politics. The great thing about being neutral is you don’t need to compromise with anyone, even your own party! You can have the feeling of rejection when your idea is flushed down the toilet all to yourself! We’re like a big family, except we all do what we want and don’t help each other. Which is a nice segue (segway for the intellectually challenged) into my next point. The art of the weasel!



The best thing about being neutral is that you can side with whoever is strongest at the time. Looks like that group are winning the fight? Let’s run in and stick the boot in. No need to pick sides, we can just pretend to like the winner (whoever that is) after the fight is over!

Remember all those political parties I said I didn’t like earlier? (Right & Left for those of you with a fish-memory like myself). Well I’ve changed my mind! Now I’ve decided that we’re willing to work with them to build a better UK. I am willing to extend the hand of friendship to all the communists and fascists out there, depending on who is on top. I think there are some other parties (you know, centre-left/right) but I don’t really understand the difference between
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Of course there can be no extremist governments because the game only allows for good/bad economies/militaries. I think all these manifold different models that exist are just a myth to be honest. How can anything be more complex than a bipolar situation after all, everyone's brain would melt out thir ears at the idea of communes, co-operatives, state capitalism, circular hiring, neo-capitalist social projects and so on. Anyway, on that note I’m going to sign off.


Neutrality is for weasels

This article was satire, and does not represent my views

If you’re wondering why I have suddenly went mad and lost all my principles (as well as basic English skills) let me explain. To help me explain I’m going to cite two key examples. The first is the House of Lords debate.

Some months ago the House of Lords had much greater powers and was a blockade to most legislation going through the House of Commons. I proposed its removal and the right, led by Arthur Wellesley, proposed it should stay. We had long and arduous battles in public discussion and the commons, we fought in the media and in the halls of power. I respected the right for their conviction, even if I disagreed with them. During that time a lot of ‘neutral centrists’ sided with me. Afterwards, when the HoL disappeared, they switched sides and proposed its reintroduction to try and win over the right (successfully). This was pretty annoying. Neutrality is the ability to switch sides, have no convictions or beliefs and basically look out for number one.

My second example is from the nationalisation debate. About a year ago I proposed mass nationalisation of industry, on the grounds that wage and price setting would prevent deflation from the productivity surplus. The right fought me on the grounds that nationalisation would hurt their business interests (fair enough). The centre basically said nothing. We fought for it, and eventually decided not to legislate. So it failed (if it hadn’t this horrible situation we have now might have been averted).

I think we can all see where I am going with this. Yes you might not understand the left/right divide in politics. But some people wilfully embrace that ignorance, lack of conviction and portray it as a virtue. “We don’t hold any position, we just choose what is best for the UK!” they trumpet loudly. Well do you think leftists and rightists just blindly follow policy knowing it is to the detriment of the UK? Of course not. They each have an ideological basis for what is best and try and follow it. Centrists don’t, and although they claim to be doing what is best for the UK it is my firm opinion that all they do is sit on the sidelines.

Finally I’d like to say that centrism != Centrists. Centrists are a group of people playing erep, centrism is a political position relating to the centre of the political spectrum. There are people who are fairly close to the centre in both UKRP and TUP.



Be a wolf not a weasel