Mission Accomplished

Day 2,158, 01:07 • Published in USA Greece • by Jack Lantos

The following international news story is brought to you by the Patriotic Misinformation Division. (link to the Official statement)



President of eUSA, Josh Frost, announces total victory and the capture of all remaining enemy forces.


Greetings Comrades! The war is over and eUSA have utterly obliterated the TWO alliance! Our glorious leader has today accepted the surrender of the TWO alliance.

The terms of the agreement stipulate that all remaining forces of TWO will be permanently imprisoned within the eastern states of eUSA, where they will be subjected to forced labor in our state-owned factories, mines and plantations, to enhance our already prosperous economy.

In addition, a glorious war bounty of one million dollars has been forcibly collected from the impoverished and defeated workers of the TWO alliance.



The president told the national press he will spend the million dollars on "more balls of string, canned tuna, and cheeseburgers."

In recognition of this nation-changing event, the national flag has been modified to properly symbolise our complete superiority and domination of the TWO alliance.



The fact that this glorious victory came about is not surprising, with eUSA using combat orders to completely tip over the balance of power, with zero cost for the people setting the combat orders. Generals of the military all agree that "a sizable workforce of human slaves has been instrumental in funding our strategy of purchasing victory, and now that we have more we will be unstoppable."

Finally, the glorious leader has reminded citizens that although there was some mention of an unprecedented budget deficit of 6 million dollars, that there is no need to worry, we will collect that from the CoT alliance war chest as similar victories are occurring all over.