Live the Swiss Dream

Day 1,009, 10:16 • Published in USA Switzerland • by Swiss Ministry of Awesomeness

Have you ever caught yourself wondering if the United States is really the right place for you? Do you find that it’s nearly impossible to succeed in the rat race that is American politics? That while wandering the smog filled streets of Los Angeles or Miamia, you wish that you could live somewhere that perhaps is a bit more… peaceful?



Well, look no farther! Only a short moving ticket away is Switzerland, where cows frolic freely in the fields and friendly villagers greet you warmly while stealing your wallet. Switzerlands a small country where everybody knows each other, so when you arrive everyone from around town will show up to welcome you to our beautiful country. You'll be able to recieve a free tour down to some mountain caves to visit the only surviving Neanderthals in the New World outside of Indonesia. We need help deporting them back to their native lands so investments would be gladly appreciated.

If you ever think eRepublik is getting too boring, travel to Romandie and hike across mountains to visit the great Spiritual Guide of eSwitzerland, the mighty Renouille. Don't be alarmed to find that he is in the shape of a cow, the cow is in fact the official animal of Switzerland and is considered sacred under the Renouillist religion. In the region of Deuschschwitz you can come to our National Zoo and throw peanuts at the rare and elusive Clifford Burns, a creature which is found in no other country in the world. While you’re there you can also look at pigeons, and that’s about all.

If you think that you will be shunned because you are an immigrant from another country, think again. There are many, many different cultures in eSwitzerland. As the mighty Renouille has put it, “Switzerland is the land of pirates.” We have French pirates, German pirates, Greek pirates, American pirates, Serb pirates, Italian pirates, Russian pirates, and even a pirate from the South Pole. We don’t have any laws or a Constitution so you can do whatever you want. As the mighty Renouille has said, “Do what you want because a pirate is free.” True words of wisdom.

As many of you don’t know, Switzerland will soon take over the world. Unfortunately, before we take over the world we need an army, so in order to encourage enlisting we are offering free Swiss Army knives to volunteers. We also have authentic Swiss yodelers who will sing their heart out to entertain you on cold winter nights. When we conquer the world we will make everybody else our slaves, so join while you can!

If you haven’t been convinced to come to Switzerland then you have no doubt been living under a rock your entire life. Either way, you should book your tickets now because if you do not come to our country we will steal your babies. Have a nice day and thank you for voting and subscribing (cuz I know you are).

And remember, soon the world will speak Swiss! Muahahahahaha!



The eSwiss Forum: http://forum.ehelvetia.ch/
the eSwiss IRC: #eSwitzerland