Beards of Glory

Comrades, being that I have not written an article in AAAAAAGES, I felt it would be appropriate to write now about eSwitzerland's current political and military state.

I would just like to start out this article by making clear my intentions to run for party president of the Swiss Neutrality Party. I was sitting on the couch watching Sweet Home Alabama with my family when I suddenly realized that neutrality is the greatest thing ever. Humble Czar, you might be saying, while I support your recent move towards supporting a neutral eSwitzerland it does seem a little bit unprecedented! SILENCE WOMAN AND BACK TO THE BROTHEL WITH YOU! I would humbly reply (my sisters and I have quite a complex relationship). Neutrality has gone on to do great things for countries all over the world. Think of all the humongous land grabs Switzerland has made in the real world because of its neutrality. Think of the extent of Napoleon's France during times of peace. Think of the British empire made out of calm negotiation and complete and utter neutrality.

You may be wondering if I'm really fit to run a party built on doing absolutely nothing but I'd like to point out I'm one of the most neutral people IRL that I know. The other day I was beating the shit out of some freshman because he was Muslim or some other minority we just haaaate in America when one of my friends comes up asking me if I thought Russia was justified in attacking Georgia in 2007. To which I replied as Islamic blood soaked my face and made my fists a bright red that being so goddamn neutral it was really impossible to voice an opinion on the matter. There was then a silent pause when my friend came to the understanding that neutrality is THE GREATEST thing ever. Of course this silence was soon interrupted by the sound of a freshman's nose shattering into three pieces but it was still quite an endearing moment. We were both consumed with such great feelings of brotherhood and neutrality that he started helping me continue my assault on the freshman! He put him in a full nelson while I smashed his chest with a steel chair, it was a really good day for all of us! Except Mohammed of course but to be honest I think he was kind of getting off on the beating.

General Custard has recently written an article about the formation of a SAF in the hopes of increasing retention and some other SUPER BORING SHIT that I didn't bother to read. Honestly that article really only left me with a bad taste in my mouth and an upset stomach. From the logorrhea I was forced to ingest from it one question arose. What kind of a sick human being would support the kind of violence - no - What kind of a man would lead eSwiss men into battle to be slaughtered at the hands of opposing armies General Boston Cream? Do you have no heart Custard? If the answer is "no of course I have a heart but this is an online game so there is no real risk against any men we send to battle" then I retaliate with a lone question. Would Hitler send his men across a virtual playing field much the same way you would? How about you chew that one over Custard before you would PURPOSELY COMMIT MASS GENOCIDE AGAINST OUR OWN PEOPLE FOR THE PROMISES OF SEXUAL REWARD!

"What will neutrality hold for the future of Switzerland?", you may now be asking yourself after having become completely secure in my credentials as a neutral human being. Well the answer my comrades is absolutely nothing!! Imagine playing a game of monopoly and then telling all your friends that for the rest of the game you'll be holding onto the same four cards and refuse to move around in fear of losing money to your competitors. That is exactly what I want for eSwitzerland! What's more fun than not taking any risks whatsoever in life and indefinitely receiving the same results over and over and over and over and over and until the end of time? If nothing was your answer then there is no one better for you to vote party president of the SNP than EpoRadio!

Vote Epo for a neutral eSwitzerland!
Vote Epo for a better (in a way that doesn't change at all) eSwitzerland!